Having a bit of a downer today. Wondering about the STBXW reading that letter about the money she owes me and the consequences of a CCJ on her career, which would be really quite damaging. She'd be obliged to let her employer, her professional association etc know if it went as far as actual court, and according to my parents who are also accountants it would be career suicide.

Am I being too harsh with this? I actually do really need the money. I only have �20 till pay day to survive on this month, and next month is unlikely to be any better. I've been emailing her once a week for ages asking for the money and get no response.

Do I really want her to hate me? I still certainly want her to feel just an ounce of the hurt she's caused me.

Have also been having more thoughts recently of "am I really as done with her as I thought I was?" Can I hang on until the affair has gone it's natural course and ended, even though that might actually be longer than we were married, and knowing that the end of it is unlikely to actually mean any recovery of my marriage, or at best is the start of a very long hard road with still a high percentage failure rate?

Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.