My WAW - Chat/Text Msg affair with her ex

[Dan1977]

I blocked the number, but then I immediately unblocked the number like an hour later. She knew I was doing it and called her sister. Tonight is a challenging night for me, where to begin... My wife left today to go to her "parents" but I found out through her sister she never showed up. She is with OM tonight doing who knows what, my worst fears is that they are getting close and she thinks she's in love. I don't want to control my wife Trent, I just didn't feel like it was right she was having this affair in my face, so I wanted to show her how I disapprove and I was going to try and take a stand by an action.

Her story yesterday began that she was going down on Saturday to have dinner with her aunts, and cousins. Guess it's something they do every year and my wife was going to go for the first time. Today she told me it turned into breakfast, so she needed to go down there tonight so she can get up in time for the breakfast. My wife left around 5:30 so she could have dinner at her parents house tonight. Her sister called about 7:30 and said she was worried about her because she hadn't showed up yet and my wife told her I was blocking her messages. Thats when I unblocked the messages because I could see that had confrontation written all over it. I called her sister and told her I haven't heard from my wife and didn't know where she was at. So her sister and I began texting back and forth about what has been going on in our relationship the last few months. She was completely shocked about what was going on and tried calling and texting my wife and she would not answer. I gave her sister OM's phone number and she called him up and bitched him out. I was so proud of her for saying what I was dying to say to him. Her sister and mother both know what she's doing and they both totally disagree with what she is doing and have confronted her about it, but my wife won't listen to them either. So my wife is out with this guy as I write this and I have no idea what is going on. From what her sister says, he is still with his wife, so that gives me a glimmer of hope their relationship isn't sexual yet. I will be so crushed if I find out she is having sex with OM, absolutely devestated beyond belief. I do however think I could find it in my heart to forgive her if she decided to come back, hard to say at this point because I'm so confused right now.

Tomorrow is going to be a very very challenging day. When she comes back, I will know that she was out with OM, and somehow I've got to hold it together and not turn it into a confrontation solidifying why she doesn't love me anymore. These are such challenging times and I feel like I'm skating on the thinnest of ice ready to break through at any time. How do I handle this in the best manner possible?? I don't want to be a pushover, but I don't want to be controlling and overbearing either. It's like she's challenging me to get into an argument about this all the time so it gives her reason to escape our marriage.

I think my best coarse of action tomorrow is to not bring up any of what I learned about her night. I'm going to go about my business and if she talks about it, then I'll talk, but I just don't want to get into an argument. It doesn't help that my wife has some anxiety issues, so anytime there is the threat of a potential confrontation, she elevates the heat of the moment faster than it needs to and nothing gets solved. I am trying so hard to just stay calm, talk like an adult and have a productive conversation and it's like she wants an angry argument with me to somehow justify how bad our lives are when in fact I think our issues are petty compared to people with real relationship problems. But this is real and it's serious and I'm at DefCon 5 trying to figure out the best coarse of action.

I have the kids tonight, so that is comforting to me. She wanted to take them, but I knew that would mean she probably wouldn't come back for a few days. Since they are here, I'm pretty sure she will come back tomorrow. My wife is a great mother and loves her kids dearly, but right now she doesn't see much value in keeping our family as one which really hurts.

The one thing positive that came out tonight is I got to talk to her sister extensively about what is going on and how tore up I am over all this. She was totally sympathetic and didn't know all this was going on. So I've got her and her mother on my side, which may be a good thing if her family disapproves of what she's doing. I wanted to contact OM's W, but don't know how to get in contact with her. She is on Facebook, but I can't send her a message or anything. I wanted to let her know that my wife and her husband have a pretty serious EA going on. What I'm scared of is if I do that, it will end their relationship and all of the sudden OM will be totally available for my wife. If you can't tell, I'm running a 1000 different scenarios thru my head trying to sort everything out. I barely sleep, I didn't go to work this week and when I am at work, I'm totally distraught and don't get anything done. I'm at my wits end on what to do, I absolutely hate this. If we can somehow pull through this, it will make me such a better husband because I never want to go through this again. I'm sad it took this for me to wake up, although it's not all my fault, I didn't help the situation a lot of time. I was not very good at being married, and definitely not very good at reading into what my wife's needs were.