Keep Moving Forward

[givingitmyall]

The only thing I want to say is you are good man, a good dad and we are all lucky to have you here.

Agree with this ^ , GIMA. For once, I really don't have any snarky, opinionated advice -- just one of those Sopranos-style "man-hugs," and a prayer sent up your way.

Puppy

Thanks man. Snarky is always welcome.

[flowmom]

So, do you still call that mediation or Collaborative Divorce, since your L's were sitting there too?

There's no intermediary/mediator in collaborative D. Just the 2 parties negotiating with the assistance of the Ls. But there's more of a process before getting to the table I think, with more input from other professionals.

[alice444]

(sorry to hijack GIMA)-- my L led me to believe, though, that there are no L's at the table in mediation- at least not the way she does it. It's either you both and the mediator (consulting with your Ls separately outside of it), OR you both and 2 Ls, no mediator...

[givingitmyall]

No need to apologize alice.

I think you can do mediation either way (I'm a L by trade and have done MANY). Having experience with mediation certainly was an advantage.

[Gardener]

gima,

We started with mediation at 10:00 am and did not leave until 9:45 pm. That's right, nearly twelve hours!

WOW!

I think I feel numb, relieved, sad, angry, resentful, hurt (good bit of that), compassionate and a little scared, all at the same time.

I understand.

I have already told W that this is HER decision and, thus, SHE will tell the kids (with me present, of course) in such a manner that does not imply I agree with the decision or that this was a joint decision. W is very concerned I will tell them she filed for D - her L told her at that point, "Mrs. GIMA, they are going to KNOW that."

Good for you for sticking to this. This is key.

At one point yesterday, despite my negative emotions towards my W, I actually felt sorry for her. And I had to fight the urge to save her from this.

Some deep feelings die hard. I found this out when I confronted X's landlord for sexually harassing her a full year after she moved out.

Anyway. I grabbed a later dinner last night, then home. Had a "download" of emotions lying in bed, but I knew that would happen. I know I obtained a fair agreement, and I will probably be happy about it sometime later. But, it's hard to be happy right now. I want my family together, plain and simple. I know that's not possible, but it's the truth. So, I will swallow hard, clear my throat and just put one foot in front of the other. What else can I do? The sun will come up tomorrow just like it did today and the day before that.

I know I can handle it, and I know I will. It's just going to be rough for a little while.

You can handle it, gima. You have. You will.

[mishka422]

((((((GIMA))))))))

Not really much more to say than that big hug. Hope today is looking brighter for you.

Any big plans this weekend?

[Awoken]

Still thinking about you GIMA. How you doing, two days after mediation?

[givingitmyall]

Thanks folks. I am hanging in there. Just riding the waves, up and down. Working on maintaining a PMA. Doing pretty well, all things considered.

I got no less than 12 emails from STBXW today with things she wanted me to do for her related to the D agreement (and some not). Good God woman. You didn't email me this much during the work day when we were M'd. I got to one or two of them when I could - these were things I agreed to do as part of the D agreement.

I am still mentally and physically wrung out. Didn't get much done at work the last two days. And I'm not surprised. Next week, I will attack my caseload and stay busy.

I know I'll be ok, better actually. But I can't seem to shake this sense of sadness at the loss of it all. Seems so unnecessary and, therefore, wasteful.

God has a plan for me. At the right time, I will see what that is. For right now, I just have to keep making progress for myself.

[Gardener]

gima,

Thanks folks. I am hanging in there. Just riding the waves, up and down. Working on maintaining a PMA. Doing pretty well, all things considered.

You sound pretty well, all things considered.
I'm glad.
Keep on keepin' on. The Plan will make itself known at the right time.

[flowmom]

(((GIMA)))