Sleeping your life away is not going to change the outcome.
If you want your W to treat you with respect you will have to teach her how to do that. And that will require you to have a backbone.
In plain terms, your W uses you, manipulates you, controls you, uses sex as a tool to get you to do what she wants and will do just about anything to bring you back to the unhealthy dynamic the two of you share.
Look how the past 24 hours have gone. You asked her about her b-day and she said she had other plans. So you went about your business and once your W realized you weren't falling all over her to see her or wish her a happy b-day she baited you with nasty texts. Is that love? No. It's total lack of respect and manipulation.
You keep saying you don't know what to do but we are telling you. There are a few HUGE things you could do tomorrow but you have chosen not to even consider them because they are "too hard".
I can guarantee nothing will change at this rate. Not only will it not change but it will get worse and starting Monday your job will be thrown in the mix. Because you will have something positive to focus on that does not include her (less control for her) she will go all out to reel you back in.
I just want to be treated better. I want to be respected and loved. I want to feel special to her.
I thought if I showed her love she would reciprocate.
Everytime she would say I wasn't doing this or that I'd try to make it happen.
Love is such a beautiful thing. It's so precious. How can people just throw it away like it's trash. Or pick it up and drop it?
I can't believe we overcame so much to have it this way. I just really cant believe it.
Today I just looked at all our pictures. Of all 3 kids. Me and WAW. All the fun we had. So many memories. So much fun. So much laughter. So much joy.
Money and material things have never really mattered to me. My family is what was important. Doing things for my family made me happy.
When I fought I fought for them.
I think i'm just going to sleep the rest of this weekend. No thinking. No typing. No talking. Just sleep. That way I have nothing to think about.
James217,
It is special. however who is to say that you won't have more with someone else who values you, who likes you as you are today? And as a result of that love, your health coditions diminish, and you look at you current situation as craziness that you hung onto for far too long.
It could change your entire outlook on life.
if my M doesn't work out it will change my outlook on life. I will never ever ever trust or love anyone ever again.
waw 36 (spiritual covenant and common law marriage)me 32 together 13 mos. Bomb dropped march 2nd 2010
children SD (8) S (10) S (3) need help from anyone with my sitch
Sleeping your life away is not going to change the outcome.
If you want your W to treat you with respect you will have to teach her how to do that. And that will require you to have a backbone.
In plain terms, your W uses you, manipulates you, controls you, uses sex as a tool to get you to do what she wants and will do just about anything to bring you back to the unhealthy dynamic the two of you share.
Look how the past 24 hours have gone. You asked her about her b-day and she said she had other plans. So you went about your business and once your W realized you weren't falling all over her to see her or wish her a happy b-day she baited you with nasty texts. Is that love? No. It's total lack of respect and manipulation.
You keep saying you don't know what to do but we are telling you. There are a few HUGE things you could do tomorrow but you have chosen not to even consider them because they are "too hard".
I can guarantee nothing will change at this rate. Not only will it not change but it will get worse and starting Monday your job will be thrown in the mix. Because you will have something positive to focus on that does not include her (less control for her) she will go all out to reel you back in.
what huge things? handing her back the POA? I really don't even want to see her right now. Well I do but I want to see my W. not this person who seems like they just get thrills out of hurting me. I wish I could just ask her why. What does she get out of it?
how do you go from being damn near inseperable to this.
I honestly don't think she gives a flying flip most of the time because if she did she wouldn't treat me this way.
she reels me back in or tries to and then what? the same thing? Maybe she never really loved me. I dont even know anymore.
I just think about allllllll of the struggles we went through. That had to be love. Heck I dont know anymore.
I'm just really tired.
intimacy is supposed to be special. not used as a form of manipulation. She likes us being intimate too so i guess it's win win for her too.
*sighs
Last edited by james217; 04/24/1001:13 AM.
waw 36 (spiritual covenant and common law marriage)me 32 together 13 mos. Bomb dropped march 2nd 2010
children SD (8) S (10) S (3) need help from anyone with my sitch
She gets a "cocaine high". Or the high of a slave driver whipping one of the hebrew slaves. It is a powerful thing, and the only thing you can do is take yourself away.
She may have made the OM in her mind as gold, and you as her slave. So she is whipping you to get her head big, and having sex with the gold. It may not be the reality, but may be what she's doing.
Some of our H/W do this to us. They put us on the backburner because they think we will always come back, be the fall back. It is empowering, so they take their time if they will come back. But once they cheated you like this, they usually will not come all the way back.
the only thing you can do is remove you and your time from the equation. Usually nothing else is holding them up as strong ( is there two or three of you's she's using? )...
So then it fails.
Thats all it is, and all the positive support, help, etc is used for this purpose. Even the sex is used to build back up your strength for support of what she is doing.
You aren't the only one, there are alot of us in the same situation in varying degrees.
God bless you, I know you love your wife and just want her to come back home. What you might have to do to get her back, if you even have a chance is to really blow her reality open. The alternative is to wait and rely on luck.
But what we are supposed to do, and communicating in the way its done are two different things.
Consider all the db techniques as ways of talking.
i must be tired. i dont even get that sentence. lol
just a few days ago I almost seriously died and now it's back to her acting all crappy again.
Pretty much her actions saying "I'm treating you like crap or that you don't matter much"
And your actions or lack of response say "I'm not doing this anymore. I'm not even playing, I mean it"
Thats all the db stuff is. There's plenty of ways to communcate without saying a verbal word.
Right now it seems like many of us, this WAW is needing interest from you. She doesn't want to give you much, like many of us... But will continue on with her shenannigans... We enable it, by being accessible.
Draw out the picture...
You may never be able to get her to come around, if she decides in her mind that she is comfortable with manipluating and getting people to do what she wants them to do..
You have to guage this.
Can, YOUR WIFE have a huge interest in you and your well-being. Enough that both of your needs are met, that she doesn't play games with you. That if you have problems she will yoke up to the load and carry?
Do you have that? Most of us on here do not have that, and it is crucial to have that if it is your spouse or long term relationship partner.
Many of them have simply changed the relationship on us mid course and we are not respecting it.
Remember, there are many out there who will like you as you are - and many of your current stress and even SICKNESS will not exist due to their generousity and love...
Just because this one decided to "play you", do not think you are not worthy of love or that another will not take advantage of your love. Its just a situation that didn't go the way you prefer.
There are plenty of nice ladies out there, plenty who just want a man who won't screw them over and does not want to screw him over.
