Before I take a drastic approach that others have suggested last night, I am going to follow the advice of my DB coach, since I paid for the sessions I may as well apply what I paid for...plus I DO want our marriage to work.
Then why did you bother to ask the others for advice?
Seems to me like you're "advice-shopping," OIN, trying to find someone to tell you what you want to hear.
It would seem that way, don't it? but that is not my intention. I learned that there is no specific method or approach that works. Sometimes, from what I gathered reading many posts, it takes a combination of techniques.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
It would seem that way, don't it? but that is not my intention. I learned that there is no specific method or approach that works. Sometimes, from what I gathered reading many posts, it takes a combination of techniques.
The specific method that works is to try something for a few weeks and see if it improves your relationship. If so, keep doing it; if not, try something else.
If you bounce back and forth between too many different things to try, you'll frustrate both yourself and your wife, or your efforts will be seen as reactive or manipulative -- not a good idea with you are dealing with control issues.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Understood. I will stick with the method suggest by DB coach. It seemed to be working for the most part. Well to be honest what the DB coach told me to do is what other have suggested in my previous thread "become a person ANYONE would want to be with, not just your W." For the most part I have remained positive and upbeat. As a result my W has not said anything about leaving since I started this approach. Only today when I started to take a new approach acting as if "you want to leave than leave" has she made negative comments....I hope I did not cause too much damage.
In the past couple days I have become defensive to her actions, attitude and comments.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
Understood. I will stick with the method suggest by DB coach. It seemed to be working for the most part. Well to be honest what the DB coach told me to do is what other have suggested in my previous thread "become a person ANYONE would want to be with, not just your W." For the most part I have remained positive and upbeat. As a result my W has not said anything about leaving since I started this approach. Only today when I started to take a new approach acting as if "you want to leave than leave" has she made negative comments....I hope I did not cause too much damage.
In the past couple days I have become defensive to her actions, attitude and comments.
OIN,
How has your DB coach suggested that you deal with your wife's rude, disrespectful and boorish behavior at times? Did the two of you discuss that at all?
Understood. I will stick with the method suggest by DB coach. It seemed to be working for the most part. Well to be honest what the DB coach told me to do is what other have suggested in my previous thread "become a person ANYONE would want to be with, not just your W." For the most part I have remained positive and upbeat. As a result my W has not said anything about leaving since I started this approach. Only today when I started to take a new approach acting as if "you want to leave than leave" has she made negative comments....I hope I did not cause too much damage.
In the past couple days I have become defensive to her actions, attitude and comments.
OIN,
How has your DB coach suggested that you deal with your wife's rude, disrespectful and boorish behavior at times? Did the two of you discuss that at all?
Puppy
Yes. To ignore it. Her behaviors are a result of the resentment she has toward me for treating her like garbage for so long. If my W tells me I was a certain way, acted a certain way or did an awful thing just to say "your right." If my W told me she was leaving/still wants separation to say "I just want you to be happy." Counter intuitive as the DB coach put it.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
Understood. I will stick with the method suggest by DB coach. It seemed to be working for the most part. Well to be honest what the DB coach told me to do is what other have suggested in my previous thread "become a person ANYONE would want to be with, not just your W." For the most part I have remained positive and upbeat. As a result my W has not said anything about leaving since I started this approach. Only today when I started to take a new approach acting as if "you want to leave than leave" has she made negative comments....I hope I did not cause too much damage.
In the past couple days I have become defensive to her actions, attitude and comments.
OIN,
How has your DB coach suggested that you deal with your wife's rude, disrespectful and boorish behavior at times? Did the two of you discuss that at all?
Puppy
Yes. To ignore it. Her behaviors are a result of the resentment she has toward me for treating her like garbage for so long. If my W tells me I was a certain way, acted a certain way or did an awful thing just to say "your right." If my W told me she was leaving/still wants separation to say "I just want you to be happy." Counter intuitive as the DB coach put it.
OIN,
Do you really believe you treated your wife like garbage for 10 years?
