There IS no logic in it! She is a PEA-addled, infatuated, acting purely on a potent mix of entitlement, adrenaline and hormones WAYWARD at this point.
Instead of this:
Quote:
I asked her if she thought it was fair I was paying for a phone so she could stay up all hours of the night and during the day texting this guy and she instantly got defensive and she says she feels like I'm trying to control her.
You need to say:
"I've decided that I'm no longer willing to pay for anything that you're using to conduct your affair, including your cellphone."
Men don't talk, we ACT. And we don't ASK, we DECIDE.
People in affairs, emotionally and physiologically, are like TODDLERS. Would you try to reason with a toddler with a "Gee, do you think it's fair that you not pick up your toys, and Daddy has to do it when he's tired and has been working hard all day?"
Same thing.
You don't CONTROL her. You made your own boundaries -- these are for YOU.
From my own archives:
The best way I can answer that is that if you make it about HER, they will come across as "demands" and being "controlling."
If you make them about YOU, and what YOU need, then they are "boundaries of personal integrity."
Example:
"I forbid you to see OM" = CONTROLLING
"I can't live in an open marriage" = BOUNDARY
"You need to check in with me every day, and give me your cellphone bill!" = CONTROLLING
"In order to feel safe in our reconciliation, considering your recent affair, I need to know that you're no longer talking or texting him by having the cellphone bill come to me for awhile" = BOUNDARY
"You can't talk to me that way!" = CONTROLLING
"I like ME too much to allow myself to be spoken to so disrespectfully. Please come back when you've calmed down, and we can talk further." = BOUNDARY
