how do i keep my hope alive?

[trytryagain]

thanks, ruined. i haven't really had much contact with this guy, mostly because i know i am not ready for anything more than a fling, and i don't want him to be a fling. although now that i've emailed with him a few times and run into him, i find myself thinking about him A LOT, and now it's almost like i've shifted my obsessing over my H to obsessing over this guy. he (OM) hasn't returned an email i sent him the other day, so i'm trying to take what i've learned here and not let him control my emotional state.

there are a lot of other fish in the sea, sure. i liked my fish just fine, but that's not the hand i've been dealt at the moment. i never thought i'd be looking at other fish again. other fish come with their own fishy issues and problems, no amount of shiny new-ness will ever make me forget that. hopefully i will get to a point in the next few weeks/months where i am ready to approach this, but i'm not pushing myself. OM extended an open ended invite for lunch that i know i want to take him up on...but not now while i'm still such a mess.

i haven't even signed a separation agreement at this point, and my H moved out just 3 months ago. that said, in my state, we're only 3 months shy of being eligible for filing for an uncontested D. in my mind, i'm still married, and though i'm interested in this guy...i struggle within myself at the idea of being with this guy, when i also want to DB and stand behind the vows that i made only 2.5 years ago.

early on, i was worried H was going to start dating or at least sleeping with other people, because, well, that's what guys do. i didn't even blink when a guy friend said to me earlier this week to just assume that my H had already done that (slept with someone)...so i think it's a good sign that i'm not throwing myself out there in an effort to "keep up" with what i think my H is doing.