And James, since you are her medical power of attny if she refuses your offer to assist her with getting immediate treatment then you need to tell her you will no longer act as her power of attny and the task must be reassigned to somebody else.
While it is common for spouses to act as each other's medical proxy it is not always the case. I am still legally married and my sister is my health care proxy.
It is as simple as telling your W that if she chooses not to take the necessary and immediate steps to get well you no longer choose to act as her proxy. Have the paperwork ready to be transferred when you tell her this. Let her cry and scream and carry on and do not respond to any of it. Simply wish her well, turn around and walk out. And after that do not respond to ANY contact she makes with you.
If she hurts herself and winds up in the hospital, well, that might be a blessing in disguise. If she causes trouble and winds up in jail, well, she can really start to feel the consequences of her lack of action.
Until your W enters treatment there is no chance at all for the two of you to rebuild anything. She needs professional help to teach her how to approach things in a healthy way. Right now she does not know how to do that. This cycle will never end unless she gets help or you cut her out of your life.
