Time for darkness.... (thread number 3)ears open

[james217]

James, I feel like you don't listen. Or maybe you do listen and you just don't grasp the concepts. I don't know for sure. It is sort of frustrating but lets keep working on this.

The last several posts you have made are all about your W. That means your focus is still on her. And right now your focus needs to be on you.

A big part of making personal changes and evolving as a human being is to be able to seek out solutions for problems. What happened in the past is in the past. I am not saying past issues don't have to be dealt with but IMO until some immediate solutions are put in play the past will continue to dictate the future.

I am not being unkind or ugly but your W is a very, very sick woman. Until she is ready to (A) ask for the proper kind of help and (B) follow through with a treatment plan there is nothing more for you to do. In fact, by doing what you are doing you are simply enabling this behavior.

I am not sure what a POA is but I assume it is something like we have in NY called a Health Care Proxy. I am confused as to why you had to sign a document because if you and your W have some sort of legal document stating you are married (and you said you did) then you would be her health care proxy as you are the legal next of kin as her husband.

If you still have the responsibility of being her health care proxy you need to go to her and say the following:

W: As your health care proxy (or POA or whatever the term is) I have not been a good advocate for you. That changes today. I can no longer watch you self sabotage your mental and physical health. I am asking you to enter a treatment program today. We have both made mistakes in the past by ignoring our health and hoping things would get better. While it is your choice to enter into treatment or not, if you choose not to I will turn my POA duties over to somebody else as I choose not to watch you self destruct any longer.

Then leave it at that. You have given her the decision making power and clearly spelled out what YOU will do. Once you have made that statement you will have no more contact with her unless it is to take her to the facility.

Your W is so destroyed about losing her children but what is she doing now to improve her life so she could prove (given the chance) she is a fit mother? Leaving her H, living in a motel, spending the day texting/talking on the phone/watching tv and eating, not looking for work, having physical and emotional affairs and she got herself a STD. She also, as per you, has blown off court ordered C'ing and she is not taking care of her health at all. None of those things exhibit that she is at all interested in improving her life and if she wants to even entertain the idea of one day having her family back she needs to do the work.

It is not your job to fix your W, pull her out of a funk or any other such thing.

You have asked time and time again why your W can't love you and appreciate you as you are. Why can't you love yourself first and show the world that you have far more value than what your W gives you?

Your W knows how to control you and control does not equal respect and without respect there is no foundation of love or friendship.

You have many problems you need to find solutions to. Your health issues, your job and the time you will need off to address those health issues, the C'ing you need and all in all you really need to focus 110% on your own self improvement.

Instead of posting about your W you should be reading some of the wonderful books that are talked about on these forums. It will be eye opening.

my state (texas) is very weird. Common law marriages are recognized and take divorces and we have documents to prove it but for medical care decisions we both signed Medical Power of Attorneys. Yes it's similar to a HEALTH CARE PROXY. We never went to the court and did our M. But the legal responsibilites etc etc are all recognized by the courts. *sighs*

she got the std from SD8 father. he does not even live here. he's thousands of miles away. He gave it to her some years ago. WE both did a sex family tree. And her P.A. does not have it neither does anyone from my past.

The doctor said it could have been dormant in both of us for awhile until I had an outbreak a few weeks back and got tested. She has no symptoms. Simply a carrier of it.


LOL I know she's sick. NO offense taken. She feel she deserves to fall to the very bottom. I don't want to let her and it's hard to watch. But what she doesn't realize is that it's affecting our finances and the kiddies too.

she's not gonna go to no freaking treatment program. Heck our COURT ORDER IC ordered MC and OUTPATIENT for her and she didn't do it. She called me the other day asking how I'm doing. I cannot see her anymore due to WAW signing away SD8.

Sometimes I just really want to shake her and say WTF ARE YOU DOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EVERYTIME SHE TELLS ME HOW SHE MISSES SD8 AND THE KIDS I just want to say that. I WANT TO TELL HER TO IF YOU MISS THEN WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE THIS.

[censored] STOP DOING IT AND HELP ME [censored] GET THEM BACK. IT CAN'T BE ONE OR THE OTHER DOING THE DAMN SERVICES WE BOTH HAVE TO DO IT.

WELP ON TO ORIENTATION