I am still N.C. not even a happy bday wish she still asking if I want to see her tommorrow and is trying to work the job with me. *shrugs*
I think rob and you guys are really right I need to let this situation go. I've let her control everything. Yes I'm getting time with her but it's on her terms.
If I don't put an end to it permanetly there is no hope whatsoever. even if she's not taking the meds or getting the antidepressants something has to give.
im going to end it and step back and do total n.c cause this aint working
waw 36 (spiritual covenant and common law marriage)me 32 together 13 mos. Bomb dropped march 2nd 2010
children SD (8) S (10) S (3) need help from anyone with my sitch
James, I feel like you don't listen. Or maybe you do listen and you just don't grasp the concepts. I don't know for sure. It is sort of frustrating but lets keep working on this.
The last several posts you have made are all about your W. That means your focus is still on her. And right now your focus needs to be on you.
A big part of making personal changes and evolving as a human being is to be able to seek out solutions for problems. What happened in the past is in the past. I am not saying past issues don't have to be dealt with but IMO until some immediate solutions are put in play the past will continue to dictate the future.
I am not being unkind or ugly but your W is a very, very sick woman. Until she is ready to (A) ask for the proper kind of help and (B) follow through with a treatment plan there is nothing more for you to do. In fact, by doing what you are doing you are simply enabling this behavior.
I am not sure what a POA is but I assume it is something like we have in NY called a Health Care Proxy. I am confused as to why you had to sign a document because if you and your W have some sort of legal document stating you are married (and you said you did) then you would be her health care proxy as you are the legal next of kin as her husband.
If you still have the responsibility of being her health care proxy you need to go to her and say the following:
W: As your health care proxy (or POA or whatever the term is) I have not been a good advocate for you. That changes today. I can no longer watch you self sabotage your mental and physical health. I am asking you to enter a treatment program today. We have both made mistakes in the past by ignoring our health and hoping things would get better. While it is your choice to enter into treatment or not, if you choose not to I will turn my POA duties over to somebody else as I choose not to watch you self destruct any longer.
Then leave it at that. You have given her the decision making power and clearly spelled out what YOU will do. Once you have made that statement you will have no more contact with her unless it is to take her to the facility.
Your W is so destroyed about losing her children but what is she doing now to improve her life so she could prove (given the chance) she is a fit mother? Leaving her H, living in a motel, spending the day texting/talking on the phone/watching tv and eating, not looking for work, having physical and emotional affairs and she got herself a STD. She also, as per you, has blown off court ordered C'ing and she is not taking care of her health at all. None of those things exhibit that she is at all interested in improving her life and if she wants to even entertain the idea of one day having her family back she needs to do the work.
It is not your job to fix your W, pull her out of a funk or any other such thing.
You have asked time and time again why your W can't love you and appreciate you as you are. Why can't you love yourself first and show the world that you have far more value than what your W gives you?
Your W knows how to control you and control does not equal respect and without respect there is no foundation of love or friendship.
You have many problems you need to find solutions to. Your health issues, your job and the time you will need off to address those health issues, the C'ing you need and all in all you really need to focus 110% on your own self improvement.
Instead of posting about your W you should be reading some of the wonderful books that are talked about on these forums. It will be eye opening.
I have been viewing your sitch every now and again for the past 4-6 weeks and here we are again talking about NC?
I don't know you from Adam but I have not seen any changes in you. Everyone here gives you advice to improve your sitch but you do what you want and expect something different to happen.
STOP, THINK and DO.
Sorry for the 2x4, we want you to succeed. Start now.
Next time the 6x6s are coming out
Last edited by gr8 day 2B alive; 04/23/1006:18 PM.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
I'm trying to stay N.C. so i'll keep reminding myself not to do it
I heard this before. COLD TURKEY. DO IT. You have the strength! It will get easier.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
James, have you had a chance to read my post above? If so what do you think?
If you busy yourself with things FOR YOU then you won't have to "try" not to contact your W, it will seem far less important.
TrentC has posted a slew of very good articles today. Tons of book rec's are posted here daily. Why not engage yourself in that today?
yes maam. I'm replying to your reply now. (wow my english teacher would hate that sentence. Especially since he is also my cousin's father in law and an elder he'd just shake his head and say he knows my mother, also a teacher, would not approve of that sentence)
waw 36 (spiritual covenant and common law marriage)me 32 together 13 mos. Bomb dropped march 2nd 2010
children SD (8) S (10) S (3) need help from anyone with my sitch
I think rob and you guys are really right I need to let this situation go. I've let her control everything. Yes I'm getting time with her but it's on her terms.
Drop the rope, man.
Drop it.
If you have to psych yourself out and pretend that she just killed your dog so you will not talk to her, then pretend that happened if it's easier to do NC that way.
