Good series of articles on Psychology Today

[TrentC]

I've found quite a few on that site, but here are some from a series of articles:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/ange...amps-compassion

Using compassion to eliminate the vulnerabilities that anger and aggression protect us from seems radical and new only in this era of emotional pollution, in which we fail to see other people apart from our reactions to them. The emerging reactive narcissism -- the running theme of the current blog - is highly contagious and inevitably produces a sense of entitlement, victim identity, self righteousness, and the opposite of compassion: resentment and contempt.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/ange...e-more-not-okay

Two subtly intertwined evils plague modern relationships. The first is emotional abuse of loved ones. The second is victim identity. They are intertwined because one causes the other.

Victim identity is identification with bad treatment you have suffered. It is focus on perceived damage at the hands of someone else or on personal weaknesses you feel were exploited by someone else. Damage and weakness become an integral part of your identity.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/ange...tive-dissonance

Misinterpreting the message of cognitive dissonance ruins marriages, a fact that totally eludes marriage therapists and relationship authors who promote "getting your needs met."

Cognitive dissonance is the discomfort of self-image colliding with reality. Such collisions are inevitable, as self-image tends to be based on values - what is most important to you - while behavior is routinely directed at short-term comfort, pleasure, and utilitarian goals.