tired of trying...

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Shelbel.
I'll help you where I think I can and if I can't offer youhelp then I'll leave those questions for others. Fair enough?

One question first.
Other than H saying he hates you, what other reason(s) would you think he's wanting to leave?

1. So even though I've already paid the initial money for the paperwork, just leave it in limbo? And don't laugh, I really did find a website that does all of the court documents for you before you see the lawyer. I still have hope that we can amicable during this. You may call me delusional if you'd like. Just leave it there & wait for him to bring it up? He mentioned it once the other day, I think he may have just been testing the water.

When I thought there was no hope I too printed out paperwork for D, so I won't laugh at the things you do. My W doesn't want to lose thousands of dollars on legal fees. I don't either. She went to a mediator to find out information about a post marital agreement. The initial consultation maybe free so this might be something you should explore. This will also buy you more time.

2. What about money and insurance? I just got a notice for the car insurance premiums coming due. Pay them & act like nothing has changed because legally it hasn't?

What exactly is in your name? His name? and Joint? This info is needed.

3. He flung his ATM card at me before he left...and I cut it up. I haven't called the credit union to find out how to get his name off of the account. I think I remember from last time that there were papers he needed to sign--but I haven't called. What if he says he needs money? I know he should get a job, but what until then?

If this account is in both your names you need to open your own account and start paying bills through it. I just recently did this for myself. Protect yourself and kids.

4. He told S6 that he *might* be at his TBall practice tomorrow. H was supposed to be the Coach , but backed out last minute because he moved out. How to act if he is there? What if the kids invite him back to the house? We are at the point last time where I invited him over for dinner, a movie & some time with the kids & he never left. Only difference is that this time I don't want him to move back in. Not like this.

If you do not want to have him back then you need to tell S6 not to ask him back to the house. Tell S6 on the way to the game that adult(mommy ad daddies) need time apart.make an analogy that he will rlate to like: "You know when you(S6) and your friend X weren't playing nice and need to take a break from each other? Well grown ups go throught the same things too. We need time apart too." ****Don't forget to give him reassurance that you love him and everything will be OK.
If you do see H at game don't discuss R just focus on S. If he tries to R talk tell him this isn't the time or place but you can talk some other time. Make yourself busy after the game so he doesn't try to go back to the home to talk.

5. Without demanding blood tests, how do I determine if he is doing drugs again? His parents wouldn't like that, but they were clueless when he was a teenager. They won't have caught on any quicker now that they are older.

You know your H the best. Do you think he is back using again?? What problems in the past has this caused? Are you seeing them again?


6. In the end, am I just to act like everything is fine? Even though, according to him, I'm the one who kicked him out? He told me he hated me, I told him if he was that unhappy to leave. I gave him the out, he took it & I didn't stop it. I don't know what you'd call that, or which side of the fence I'm supposed to be on.

This is hard but that's what they say here."Act as IF"
Be happy in front of him.

The phrase I saw a lot this week was" Fake It Until You Make IT".

These are my view points from my process, others may have different view and that's OK. Take what you think is best for your Sitch.
I'll check back later this evening. My Friday night plans fell through.