Journaling: Watched Thelma and Louise - good movie. Thanks.
Lunchtime talk/meet over paying bills went OK. When he brought up buying another car, I said I was not going to financially support his infidelity. He laughed at me, with a very evil look on his face. In that split second, I could have walked away from him forever. He just looked possessed. He clearly doesn't think it's infidelity to sleep with another woman... but I just remember that he's not himself.
Anyway, he did want to open a new bank account with his own name so we went to the bank. He said he wanted to learn to separate his finances and pay the bills, so I said "Oh, so like I pay for myself and you pay for yourself and the kids." He really was taken aback at that thought... and stopped himself instantly and said no, he just wants his own account. Yup, he's using me for my money... sad.
I'm going to change my account and direct deposit also, into an account he does not have access to. Just to protect myself. I don't know if he shared my password with her and she can see my financial goings on or not.
Anyway, I told him I did not release him from his vows, and he said "I told you there is no contact."
Wanted to say "forgive me for not believing you, I know you're a pillar of truth, honesty and responsibility after all..." but I held my tongue. He asked a lot of questions about where I got the money for new clothes and perfumes and stuff, and why I'm in such a hurry to lose weight (told him I had a deadline) - and said he notices I'm on a journey myself... he's very, very curious. He isn't even hiding it anymore. He's openly asking me in a round about way if I've been seeing someone.
He said where did you get the perfume, and I said, it was a gift... he said from who, and then "never mind, you don't have to tell me." I said "I will tell you that I am a married woman and I WILL NEVER betray my vows." He just nodded, but I could feel relief on him.
Yeah, he doesn't care. EVERYTHING he did and said today says he still cares. He's so confused. It's ridiculous.
I know my husband, he's not ready to move on just yet. He thinks he is, he thinks he's moving in that direction, but he isn't. He's totally in denial about that.
I've detached, and it's wonderful. I can see things from a distance, turn them around in my hands, examine them, and then release them, making a note of them. I feel no emotions attached to them, just a curiosity.
It's going to be great tonight to have everyone together. MIL/FIL and his dad, the kids and he and I are going to dinner. Should be fun.
