All 3 of those replies were very informative. It would certainly be a 180 for me as in 33 years I've never had the inclination. It's just interesting to me that with the long conversation with the mediator yesterday, he pointed out what many on this board, church leaders and several marriage counselors have observed and shared with me. As long as this has been going on, what makes me think it will ever change?
This behavior of hers has been somewhat constant for 15 years. 15 years folks. It's a drop in the bucket compared to eternity, but it has worn me down, changed what was a self confident man into someone who has become a demeaned, cringing weanie. I don't like that guy. He can't even decide what to do for making a living anymore, and that is NOT him at all.
It's also not him to make ANY moves toward any other R while married. It goes against everything I believe is right. At the same time my W just made a comment the other day about getting a D here, and working it all out on the other side. What crap. It told me volumes of where she is at.
I think my biggest hold up rather then the morality of it, is taking a chance of hurting someone else. I've been stomped on enough and know how that feels, I darn sure don't want to do that to anyone else.
This is a tough one for me right now. For me, if I let my W know that it's time for a decision-NOW. I've given her the 6 months she requested. Heck, I've been just lapping up the table scraps for over 5 years now, treated as if I'm dispensable, left behind twice in the last 2.5 years with no warning, no financial, emotional, or any other help with work or family challenges, or our mentally ill son. In fact she just informed me yesterday that there is NO way he can live with her. Why is she not part of the program? What excempts her from being part of the M, or being at best a part time wife/mother. Only when it meets her criteria or she feels ok about it that day?
Yeah, I have been treated like crap. I can deal with that. It's the lack of committment. No timeframe on really working on the M. No counseling cuz all the others were against her. How many times she's been wronged by me, others and life in general. At some point the pity party has to end, and quite frankly-I don't see it ending-EVER. I have to move from a place I love and family, because some church leaders offended her here.
Yep-I'm pissed off about the last 15 years!! Maybe that's how she's felt about the first 15? Maybe she is right-she can't make me happy. I make me happy. Point is, I don't see her EVER being happy because she chooses not to be.
A lot to think about. I may just put down where I think we need to be going immediatley, or then get this D done immediatley. Heaven and Hell know it's time to MOVE forward, whatever that may be.
A gal that has no agenda for me, let's me be the person I am again...what a novel concept!!!!!!!!
