HELP! One step after Ultimatum..and the book ends

[Goingdownhill]

PDT,

Thank you for clarifying this! I need to know this. I think you are right except that the DB worked in the beginning to make him stand up and take notice that I was making changes. Lost weight, working out, died my hair blonde, maybe could be there to meet his emotional needs. Limited hand holding by only ask once for his involvement with the kids. The detach, detach, detach. And GAL. Took a snowboarding lesson at 44 yrs old, went skiing, went windsurfing, traveling, etc.

But you're right. Everyone is saying stop having the physical with him. He basically get emotional from her; physical from me. I need both. I know that. And actually we all do need both. So I need to stop making it easy on him.

He says he wants to be with me forever, with the kids, etc., he love me but then he slides right back into her. Of course all on the computer. I've tried to explain that she is not real. All the stuff we go through in counseling. I'm sure it falls on deaf ears.

I guess what you are saying is apply tough love like you would with an addict. Tell the parents, the kids what is going on. Make him feel some angst. It might not work because my IC thinks he may not have the capacity for remorse or empathy because he could have narcissistic tendancies. Which is why he eventually had a PA with her and unprotected and she has HSV2. I can't believe I stayed until thi point.

I've researched narcissism and realize if that is what he is there is not much hope for someone that has those issues to change or feel anything towards me. I was a tool; she is a tool; when they are done with us; they just move on.

GDH