The journey begins

[Gardener]

CTH,

I really don't think I'll accept I'm getting divorced until the paperwork is signed and the judge signs off on it. Was anyone else like this?

No, not really. For me, that was the point where it all started all over again (not for long, though, fortunately).

[awest1217]

Hope you have a good weekend. You have a race this weekend right? Enjoy the time away.

[ClingingToHope]

Yes. Awest. I'm in Madison, Wis. I took the day off from the regular job to work the Crazylegs Classic. Today was easy -- other than having to get up at 3:40 a.m. Everything is ready to go for tomorrow and I'm in my hotel room. We even got a per diem for our time and if I eat cheap I'll come out ahead on that.

The only drawback is that a story I've been covering for three years is likely to come to a head today -- and I won't be there.

So last night I put together a bunch of notes and data in case what we think is going to happen happens so the people who do have to cover it have everything they need.

Working these races is a lot of fun because I'm hanging out with friends. Last year I'd get a little sad because I felt like I had to work them and if I was still at home I wouldn't need to.

Well, the reality is those days are over and these races are necessary. And today I feel good because the money I make at these races is what I'll be able to salt away so D11 and D7 can get braces or go to summer camp.

STBXW has never been able to save two nickels. So I'm working not for me but for the girls.

In any case, we have five or six hours to kill. There's a hot tub to rest my aging body but I didn't bring trunks. I'll have to see if the hotel has some.

[kat727]

You had asked earlier about accepting that the divorce was going to happen. For me it was our last meeting with the judge before it would have gone to trial. He had done nothing to move this forward. I didn't want it so I certainly wasn't going to help him.

When he said under oath that it was over, that was it. Part of me died too and I remember crying and told my L to do whatever, I just want out of here. A few weeks later found out it was a done deal.

I didn't know what it would take for me. When you have 4 kids together you hope that they will wake up and see what they are doing. He still hasn't and is marrying the affair partner sometime this year most likely. Not my problem to worry about as long as they don't mess with the kids.

Enjoy your weekend. kat

[ImprovedRomeo]

Kat, that hurt just reading it. It's amazing to see you've come this far and are able to recount those dark memories.

CTH, glad to see you're doing something fun and that your motivation and values are admirable. One day the girls will be so proud of you!

[kat727]

I am blessed(????) with a very good memory. My first memory is a bright light and my feet placed on black and then white. Mom says that was the day I was born! Like I said good memory. lol

kat

[whatisis]

I am blessed(????) with a very good memory. My first memory is a bright light and my feet placed on black and then white. Mom says that was the day I was born! Like I said good memory. lol

kat

Oh boy, I was thinking it was a near death experience, all good now though!

[kat727]

I am blessed(????) with a very good memory. My first memory is a bright light and my feet placed on black and then white. Mom says that was the day I was born! Like I said good memory. lol

kat

Oh boy, I was thinking it was a near death experience, all good now though!

But that would put it all in perspective wouldn't it?? LOL

kat

[ClingingToHope]

Kat, I remember reading before about you hearing your ExH say that in court. I'm hoping somehow to avoid actually ever appearing in court and not having to go through that.

She's said it before. A longtime friend is working with me up here and we talked on the way up. STBXW has been withdrawing for years -- a little bit more and more. The more she withdrew the harder I worked. I haven't wanted to admit it, but I'm finally believing her love for me died several years ago.

Now I don't believe she NEVER loved me. But I believe there is no passion in her heart for me and I want passion.

[ImprovedRomeo]

Yes my STBXW's been saying it for a while (well not this time but she did before she left last time) that we grew apart and she doesn't feel any spark. Well duh! after 10 years and a kid you won't find the spark you get when you meet someone new.

As for the love dying...they say love is a choice, not an emotion. I think it's both.