reconciliation after divorce?

[any chance?]

I was not talking about broadcasting to the world, I was asking if I should confront HER.

You 2x4 is taken and deserved. I want to get this woman back. How the hell do I do that?

[dday101798]

I was not talking about broadcasting to the world, I was asking if I should confront HER.

You 2x4 is taken and deserved. I want to get this woman back. How the hell do I do that?

Absolutely you should "confront" her after you ask yourself the quesitons I previously laid out for you and processed those answers very very carefuly.

She needs to get to the stages of regret and remorse.

But the confrontation is going to be in a sane and I highly suggest neutral envionment. And it may take some time to get to that point.

Trust me when I say, the depression she displays, IS REAL, the pain she feels, IS REAL. In typing that, I am going to go home tonight and squeze the ever living hell out of my (x)W when I walk in the door, IT IS REAL.

Thank you for understanding my repsonse.

[DaddyLongShanks]

I was not talking about broadcasting to the world, I was asking if I should confront HER.

You 2x4 is taken and deserved. I want to get this woman back. How the hell do I do that?

Absolutely you should "confront" her after you ask yourself the quesitons I previously laid out for you and processed those answers very very carefuly.

She needs to get to the stages of regret and remorse.

What if she feels empowerment through the betrayal, and does not think she should feel regret or remorse. Actually there is not a smidgen of regret in her. What then?

But the confrontation is going to be in a sane and I highly suggest neutral envionment. And it may take some time to get to that point.

Trust me when I say, the depression she displays, IS REAL, the pain she feels, IS REAL. In typing that, I am going to go home tonight and squeze the ever living hell out of my (x)W when I walk in the door, IT IS REAL.

Thank you for understanding my repsonse.

[/quote]

[dday101798]

What if she feels empowerment through the betrayal, and does not think she should feel regret or remorse. Actually there is not a smidgen of regret in her. What then?

Currently she probably does feel some empowerment and once that fades, regret, which is already there will take over and pave the path to remorse.

That said..............

See this is where I got worked up yesterday. All too often on here I see too many LBS who proclaim they love and want there WAS back so badly, and yet throw brash comments out that their WAS is "an alien", "is un human", "has no feelings". I have stood up many times before [even before I knew first hand from my own WAS] and am going to again on behalf of WAS' [as I became one at the end]. It is so arrogant to assume these things. Yes, the WAS puts on a show, be-littles you to everyone they know, re-writes history and portrays the world is a far better place without you, the LBS in it. But what do you think happens behind closed doors? Do you NOT think there is a conscience there? Do you have any idea how many times they break themselves down when someone asks them just what in the world they think they are doing? Do you have any idea how much it pains them when your children ask why they are doing what they are?

I had no idea how much self inflicted torment my (x)W put herself through behind the scenes. I can say and as I allaborated on in this thread, what 'any chance' sees on his wifes face, her pain and depression, it's real. You can look at every one of my threads wher that very same look on my (x)W's face just puzzled me. At the time, I didn't understand it either. And then just as most are doing here, the responses were that it was "all part of the act".

It's not.

I wish my (x)W was not so anti-computer. I really think her input to some of these situations here would be invaluable and one hell of an eye opener to most. Conversely if she saw half of what people say in general about WAS's, her tenure on the site would be VERY short lived.

Yes, she did putrid, hurtful and unspeakable things to me and our family as a whole. But I will tell you, behind closed doors, she was in more pain then anyone for what she had done. There are still and will probably forever be random moments, out of the blue, where she just falls to the floor crying and practically begging for forgiveness, of which I had already given her.

The actions of mine, yours, and every other WAS on this board are life altering FOR EVERYONE involved INCLUDING THEM.

[any chance?]

Big conversation yesterday, and big turning point for me last night. Broke every rule in the DB book, for sure. Confronted her about the OM, told her it was her choice. Told her that she might want to rethink the D, but I am not going to stand in her way. Told her I was concerned about her mental health and well being. Told her I was sorry for my past mistakes, and told her that her mistakes were just that...in the past. Told her I was moving forward, and that we had to clear the air so that we could move forward, together or separately. Told her that I hope she manages to figure out her life and find happiness someday.

Woke up this morning in a different space. The lies about the OM broke my heart. I am moving on. Done. Time to GAL and move on with my life. Had enough.

[dday101798]

Well, I don't think you really said anything too bad in it [edit - if at all], other than you were moving. And too bad that is your stance.

[mza8]

any chance, I've been following your sitch. Just curious what you W's reaction was when you had this conversation? Did she say anything or show any signs of emotion?

Wishing you the best.

[DaddyLongShanks]

What if she feels empowerment through the betrayal, and does not think she should feel regret or remorse. Actually there is not a smidgen of regret in her. What then?

Currently she probably does feel some empowerment and once that fades, regret, which is already there will take over and pave the path to remorse.

That said..............

See this is where I got worked up yesterday. All too often on here I see too many LBS who proclaim they love and want there WAS back so badly, and yet throw brash comments out that their WAS is "an alien", "is un human", "has no feelings". I have stood up many times before [even before I knew first hand from my own WAS] and am going to again on behalf of WAS' [as I became one at the end]. It is so arrogant to assume these things. Yes, the WAS puts on a show, be-littles you to everyone they know, re-writes history and portrays the world is a far better place without you, the LBS in it. But what do you think happens behind closed doors? Do you NOT think there is a conscience there? Do you have any idea how many times they break themselves down when someone asks them just what in the world they think they are doing? Do you have any idea how much it pains them when your children ask why they are doing what they are?

I had no idea how much self inflicted torment my (x)W put herself through behind the scenes. I can say and as I allaborated on in this thread, what 'any chance' sees on his wifes face, her pain and depression, it's real. You can look at every one of my threads wher that very same look on my (x)W's face just puzzled me. At the time, I didn't understand it either. And then just as most are doing here, the responses were that it was "all part of the act".

It's not.

I wish my (x)W was not so anti-computer. I really think her input to some of these situations here would be invaluable and one hell of an eye opener to most. Conversely if she saw half of what people say in general about WAS's, her tenure on the site would be VERY short lived.

Yes, she did putrid, hurtful and unspeakable things to me and our family as a whole. But I will tell you, behind closed doors, she was in more pain then anyone for what she had done. There are still and will probably forever be random moments, out of the blue, where she just falls to the floor crying and practically begging for forgiveness, of which I had already given her.

The actions of mine, yours, and every other WAS on this board are life altering FOR EVERYONE involved INCLUDING THEM.

Some peoples conscious is broken. Others are straight evil or have become so, they are filling a part of their self by their betrayal which is by conscious choice. What do you do then?

[Ken62]

Well, I don't think you really said anything too bad in it [edit - if at all], other than you were moving. And too bad that is your stance.

DDay,

What is wrong with saying that he is "moving on"? What did you do different in your sitch? Did she want to treat you as a "friend", a "best friend"? I think that my sitch will definitely end in D and there is OM and she is going to go be with him, similar to your sitch. I did something similar with my W as "any chance", what is wrong with that in your opinion?

Thanks!

[any chance?]

She had the same depressed/sad look she has had for the past couple of weeks. She is very sad about where we are, and very sad and uncertain about her future. Said she has tried to pick up the phone to call the L, but has been unable to. She was definately upset about revelations about the OM (stalking her, lying to his W, lying to my W, etc.) Don't think it will change anything.

dd
I thought this was all about GAL and not waiting about for the WAW?