Calling all affair annihilators & boundary setters

[courts0818]

Today is a new day and I have a new attitude. Well...IDK about my attitude, but I do not feel the burning urgency to have my H back in our home. That came to a screeching halt last night when I was reading "Not Just Friends." I read the section that described in detail how an EA turns into a PA. Seriously, I was almost gagging and sick to my stomach when I read about everything leading up to the PA - the first kiss, etc. I just sat there picturing it all in my head. I was filled with anger and anxiety. I was shaking my head in disgust and disbelief as I pictured every last despicable detail - my H doing such intimate things with OW. Excuse me while I go vomit.

I just sat there thinking WTF was going through his head? How did he allow this to happen? As horrible as it makes me feel to read the book, I know I need to - I know it's a healing process and I need to understand how/why this happened.

I was thinking...last weekend I worked at the YMCA for their Healthy Kids Day. They had tons of stuff for kids to do. So, I sent H a text and told him he should bring DD bc I thought she would have fun. Well, he actually did bring her. In the past, I really can't imagine him taking DD to something like that - he would leave that up to me. So I felt like he was making an effort and stepping up. But the more I think about it - it's like whoopee $hit. He did one nice thing - okay great, but that doesn’t mean he's ready to commit to me and this marriage. I think I just got caught up in a good family moment and wanted the happily ever after.

I was overly excited when he said he would move back in bc that's what I have wanted for sooooo long. But in my head, I was denying the A and all of the rotten things he has done. It's just not going to be that easy. As much I want my DD to have her dad back it has to be under the right circumstances.

I'm not sure what he could do behavior wise to show me he's done with the A and ready to commit to me. If I only see him a couple of times per week and we don't talk about the A, how am I going to really see/know if he's truly done with it and ready to work on our marriage? One way or another he needs to know what my boundaries are. I guess I should tell him or text them? Continued contact with OW is a dealbreaker.