awest said: Your H is depressed. He is doing this because he needs some serious help so instead of focusing on OW and how she is ruining your marriage (yes she is doing that, but not the main cause), you need to focus on the depression. Think about solutions for the main problem. Think what strategies you want to give H. Call doctors and have some options of doctors he can see when he is ready. You need to switch the focus from OW to depression. Depression is the enemy. Once H is ready to deal with that and get some help with that, the OW will go away, but it won't until the depression is gone (whether it is this one or another one).
You need to think about this like an alcoholic or drug addict. You can do everything in your power to show them they have a problem, but until they are ready to get help there is nothing you can do.
This sounds correct. You DO NOT want this H back if he does not get help for depression. He will self medicate like this again with EAs or maybe next time alcohol, video games, tv, cigarettes, workaholism, other ways of "checking out." If he solves it by "replacing" you, it will be some OW's problem when it happens again in two years when his D problem rolls back around full force. It will not be YOUR problem then.
