help with a plan

[pigskin]

Journaling...

When I got home from work, W was outside on phone. I went in and grabbed a bite to eat. The kids were watching TV. There was homework on the table. I called them in and asked if they were done with homework. They said mom still had to check it, but she had been on the phone for a long time. I could hear some of phone convo and it sounded like someone from work. NBD. I finished eating, cleaned my mess off of the table and grabbed the trash to walk it down the lane. S4 wanted to walk it down with me so I put his shoes on and walked out the door. W was finishing phone convo and hung up as we were walking by. I said "hi, what's going on." She said just crap at work and walked in the house.

When we got back to the house, she was going over homework with one of the boys and told the other one she would be with him as soon as she was done. Very snotty. I sat down with other son and checked his math, went over the ones he got wrong, and asked if there was anymore work to do. They had some social studies so we started on that.

While they were reading, I gave S4 a shower, and when he was done, D6 got in. When she got done, I went in to check on the boys. W was asleep in the chair at the table. I helped the boys finish and she woke up. I told her to go lay down or go to bed, I would take care of getting them finished and in bed. She snorted and got up and said they had more homework. She was very short with the kids. I again told her to go lay down, I would finish up. She acted as if she didn't hear me. I left the room.

Finally got the kids to bed, she laid on the couch and didn't tell any of them good-night. I watched TV for a while and went and took a shower. Left her on the couch. I think she came to bed @ 1:00am.

This morning, more of the same. She didn't work this morning, and was in the shower when I got up. The kids were stirring and I told them to come and eat. As we were eating, she walked in and said, "If you could have waited five more minutes, I was going to make eggs and biscuits." She stormed out of the room and back in the bathroom. A few minuted later, she came out and asked the kids if they wanted some eggs. She slammed pots and pans around and started making some eggs.

She then started yelling at the boys about homework and not getting it done and not bringing stuff home. Of course, she says nothing about having practice every night and not getting started on homework until 7:00 at night. She tells the boys that they are nine and she shouldn't have to remind them to bring their school work home. She's right, they are nine, but they are not nineteen. On and on she went. Then, all the kids were not wearing the right clothes and she had them all change. I went around and told all of the kids good-bye and left for work about 45 min early. She didn't say anything to me and I didn't to her. I wasn't pissy, just carried on all morning like normal.

Let her be pissy. I help with the kids and three out of five days I get them ready on my own. Those days are always peaceful. No arguing or bitching, we get ready and go. The days she is home are usually stressfull. Why? I guess she hates being there with me. She takes it out on the kids too and I really hate that.

It's not been fun here for a while. I guess she is making detaching easier. I really didn't care this morning. I made sure and helped with the kids and gave them attention. I only left early after I was sure they were all ready for school. She can be however she want to be, I don't have to get sucked in to the trap. I haven't seen my "real" wife in so long, I wonder if she is still in there somewhere. I would not miss the woman that was in my kitchen this morning at all. She can leave anytime she wants.

I want to save my marriage.
I'm done being a victim.
Done playing her games.
Done getting walked on.

I will always be there for my kids.

Textbook, IDU. Beautiful job. Have to say I'm proud of how you handled your W's irritability. Let her choose to be miserable. You have a choice not to be.

It might be a good time to get her out of your bedroom; let her see that you are a family man and won't expose yourself to the evil of her horrible choices. She slept on the couch until 1 AM. She can sleep there for good if she refuses to leave.