Time for darkness.... (thread number 3)ears open

[james217]

So much here I can't even begin to get to it all.

So I will pick one thing.

The birthday. She is telling you not to move, that she cannot be without you, wants to work with you, be stuck to you like white on rice....

Then you say you want to see her on her birthday, and she flat out refuses? Cause she has to spend 24 consecutive hours with her family and there is no negotiating?

Umm...does that mean you are not considered 'family'? Cause I know in past years when H and I had a real relationship, I could sure manage to eat dinner with him and my parents at the same time...or make some other arrangements.

To totally shut it down reeks of OM to me. That she will be/wants to be with someone else on her birthday, not you.

Then to contact you later and decide she does want to go out? Wonder if OM plans fell through...

I could be wrong but that's how it looks to me

there has been tension with me going over to her mothers house for a long long time. I am blamed for everything that has happened.

No matter what she has told them about how she made the decision to sign away SD8 on two different occasions (I wasn’t there either time she did it) I’m still blamed for it by her family as well as sd8 paternal grandmother. I’ve heard her argue on the phone with her family and sd8’s paternal grandmother about it telling them I had nothing to do with it. I simply took SD8 to the office like she asked me to.

Its the same over here. My mother has flat out said right now she should not be at this house.

It is what it is.

Nobody in her family even knows we still talk or go out. I don’t even know why WAW goes around them but I know she’s lonely and that’s her family and she has to deal with it. I don’t want to go over there though even if I was invited. The main reason she goes over there is to see her twin nieces and younger sister who is going away to college soon.

There’s not a single woman in that house who is in a relationship. Not a single one. They ask her to do stuff like watch the nieces when they have to go to work and she washes her clothes and eats sometimes over there so I guess it works out. But when she needs them they are never there for her. Like I stated earlier there was already a cps case in the works with SD8 because her sister just flat out refused to take her to school even though SIL nieces went to the exact same school. Or she would drop them off and pick up HER NIECES and not SD8. Or drive right past our place or waw job and drop SD8 off at the house making us have to go get her. When she got really sick and went to the hospital several times and SD8 needed to go to school and I had to watch over WAW, they still would not take her. We had to take her out of school totally because they were going to file truancy and possible jail time for WAW.

There is something going on with her that I cannot fix repair handle etc etc. She has to do it herself. She doesn’t even really want to celebrate her bday at all. She says she feels very old and it’s just another day. Then she states she needs to be cheered up and we can do something Saturday. I don’t know if she is hitting MLC or not. She’s been acting extremely weird.

A lot of times she just calls me crying talking about SD8, her feeling old, her family, how she is a failure and hasn’t accomplished anything. How she deserves to spend the rest of her life alone because she has been an awful wife and mother and daughter. How she misses the boys. She asks me how my dad is doing because they were very close. She keeps saying she’s going to go to counseling but never does. She is just wasting away. Staring off into space with a blank look on her face. Tears just flowing. I don’t honestly know what to do.

She asks me if I think she’s still pretty. If she’s gotten fat. If she’s a good mother. All this types of stuff all the time. She even told me if she ever got pregnant again she would abort it because she would just mess up again like she’s done with SD8. And I KNOW that’s not how she talks. Her mother coerced her to have an abortion when she was 18 or 19 and she still cries about that. She tells me her head always hurts. She’s losing it again. She says she knows E.A. O.M. does not care about her but it just feels good to have someone pretend to be nice to her.

She rarely leaves the house anymore. When she does it’s either to go to the library to fill out applications, over to her mothers house, or to see me. When she’s at home she doesn’t even use the phone that much unless she’s talking to me or her family. Ocassionally a brief 10 min conversation with O.M. The longest has been 20 mins. The other numbers I’ve seen are other family members she’s reconnecting with. That’s all she has on her F.B. too.

I really really really don’t know how to handle this. Her hair is falling out again. She’s barely eating and when she does she just pigs out. It’s like she’s trying to punish herself. Her alone time consists of her sitting in her place and crying. Mutual friend told me this as well. She also told me that she’s pretty much lying about the R with O.M. because she sometimes feels like she doesn’t deserve to have me in her life because she has failed as a W and H and that she needs me in her life. To not turn my back on her because when she tells her about me she talks about how I’m always there for her. I’m her friend and won’t let her down. She talks about our dates in great detail and how they cheer her up and make her feel like somebody really does care about her. I was like pretty much floored.

I really really really don’t know what to do. I’m N.C.