MLC - standing by my man

[Mila]

Last night at dinner time the doorbell rings, I open the door and my H stands there. He was a sorry picture…looked so down. He said, “I went for a walk and somehow ended up here. Could you give me a ride home, I’m cold and it’s very far”. (That was a very long walk from his apartment). I said “Sure, I’m just making dinner, but I can stop and take you home, or if you didn’t eat you can join us”. He gratefully accepted the invite. As he came in he said “Why are you so nice to me?” and started to cry, had to excuse himself because he couldn’t stop.

As he was pulling himself together I tried to make some upbeat small talk. Later he watched me make dinner and did the dishes for me. We opened a bottle of wine and talked about work. Then he said, “It’s not fair to you that I come here when I’m down like this”. I replied that I’m glad that he did and that he can come anytime. He started to cry again. I felt so sorry for him. I just blurted, “Can I give you a hug?” He said “I don’t know” But I was already hugging him. I think he was embarrassed for his “weakness” that he cried in front of me (man’s pride?)

Later we had a nice family dinner with D & her BF. After the kids left H surprised me when he asked, “Has OW’s H been calling you?” I said “Yes he called me couple of times, why do you ask?” He said, “Because I don’t know anything what’s going on there and you do”. I said “You didn’t talk to her since the break up? He replied “No”.

He asked, “When did the H call you? I said I don’t remember, sometimes around when you told me that it ended, he told me that he knew 2 weeks before she broke up with you that she is coming back home. H interrupted and said “The break up was mutual…he knew 2 weeks before?” I replied, “That’s what he said”. That surprised him.

I asked, “You still care about what’s going on with her? Are you hoping that she will call? He said, “ No, the break-up was mutual…. I don’t know why is this so hard, I just want to get over her so I can get on with my life” and he started to cry again.

I told him that it will take time, that it must be difficult what he is going through. He cried some more…so hard to watch…he seems in such an emotional distress.

I drove him home, he was rubbing my arm, was sadly smiling at me and thanking me while holding back tears. I truly feel for him, he seems in so much pain… I wish that I could help him …all I can do is just be there for him when he needs me.

He is obviously very depressed, struggling with his addiction to the OW and his guilt. Despite all the emotions, it felt good that he has actually reached out to me and opened up a bit. There was definitely some emotional intimacy between us and that’s progress