-find out if there's increased liability and insurance (if necessary) before anyone can move in.
-No one can move in without a formal lease—even month-to-month.
-Require a signature from the homeowner.
However, once the divorce decree is signed, any changes require a modification in which both parties appear in court before the judge (after filing the appropriate paperwork) and swear that both understand and agree to the modification. Or perhaps with just the mediator. Additionally a quick letter to your lawyer will give you a basis on how to proceed. A simple no would probably suffice. However, any change requires YOUR involvement which you are not obligated to participate in.
It is your right to determine how your former spouse contacts you. I thought at some point you'd told her that any meetings would take place away from the home. It is inappropriate for her to show up at your door whenever she wants.
Focusing on the present, taking accountability and being realistic of the past provides a firm foundation for healing and moving forward.
It was very hard for me to give up the image I believed to be true of my marriage. After thwacking that dead horse til it was glue and beyond, still took time. The belief of the incredible beauty of your relationship was once true. However, the reality of what it devolved to is harder to shake. I needed to believe my rose colored glasses scenario to survive a bad situation.
Let go of the seventeen agreements that were not met, etc. It's old news and has no effect on her actions.
Strip the emotion, the rose colored glasses. Things were not perfect for 17 years. Each of you went through extreme turmoil during the union which was not resolved.
It broke. It wasn't (or couldn't be fixed). It ended.
To paraphrase what a fellow poster (kml?) said, her former spouse was so unhappy, he had to gnaw his arm off to get away.
It hurts. Your new counselor sounds good. Do what it takes to be healthy. To stop falling on the sword which keeps hurting you.
Define your boundaries for what works for you, not what accommodates her. You still give her the power to yank your chain. Make your own decisions. Decide what works for you.
