Two very attractive, fun and vivacious gals are interested in me.
I remember having a couple really good (but also short) conversations with another person a few days in a row and thinking some of the compatibility things you mentioned. It felt so right. I didn't encourage or discourage it.
Then, a month later, she did something that totally disgusted me. It was then I really remembered what got me here in the first place wasn't that I married someone perfect. It was that all marriages have some imperfections from both sides. There are those moments of disgust for many people - H and W. But teh 60% of M that don't D have a H and W that somehow BOTH negotiate those moments.
The first choice is one - do you want to be M to your W, dbs? As she is, that is. Yes, she'll change in time and so will you. She may deal with some of her issues, and she may not. Ignore the pain she caused you and focus in on her the person. Do you really want her, love or no love?
If you do - focus on being M and fight for your M. That means fighting off these feelings, while still enjoying the self-esteem lift.
Doing something different doesn't mean dating. It means making hard choices. Dating is the easy option - isn't it? GAL, 180s, etc...those are harder because they change you, not replace her.
So, ya, I've been through it. The thoughts still cross me. I set them aside for now and use that energy to make choices and make changes.
My IC said that if all the bads of my & my Ws dynamics kill me, then I should re-evaluate whether I believe the R is healthy.
Honestly, I don't think my R is healthy now. BUT, I do think it can be. So I give it time. I have to improve, too. So I'm putting up with her cr-- and making boundaries. I know that there are limits for time, but until I've given up on my R, I know I need to avoid any chance of having the OW.
Love is love. If you find yourself loving another woman, would it be fair to her or you to let go of that had your wife returned? Telling her that you're interested but need to back off for a few more weeks/months/whatever to make sure you can't fix your M will only raise her view of you.
