My husband is addicted to an emotional affair

[awest1217]

You need to let go of the OW! I understand that it is driving you crazy, but talking to OW or having others call her is just going to make your life worse. I know right now you are thinking it will make you feel better to bust the A, but who are you busting it too? He knows that he is doing it, she knows he is married. If she works with him and that is how they met, she knows he is married and you say she is what? early 20's? she knows what she is doing and nothing you say will change it.

Talking to her or having others talk to her is just going to make your life worse because if you keep calling or trying to contact her, she can put a restraining order out. Do you really want that?

I know this completely sucks (it is even worse when you know the woman personally and invited her on many occasions to your house to eat dinner and she is married). What he is doing to you is not right, but you are letting him do it. You are obsessing about what he is or is not doing. You have no idea and imagining or assuming is eating you alive. I know, I have been there. I was where you are at. I snooped, looked at phone records, texts, e-mails, drove by her house when I thought H was there. I did it all, and all it did was make my life miserable because it just kept eating away at my self-esteem. Why didn't he want to be with me? Why wasn't he saying those things to me? Why would he cancel a date to hang out with S and I, but would go see OW? He even traveled across the country to pick her up from a vacation she was having with her husband because she missed him so much. Yes, I know where you are at and have done some of what you want to do, and it doesn't help.

The difference is my H is not depressed or MLC, this is a pattern of behavior that I have let go on for years. Your H is depressed. He is doing this because he needs some serious help so instead of focusing on OW and how she is ruining your marriage (yes she is doing that, but not the main cause), you need to focus on the depression. Think about solutions for the main problem. Think what strategies you want to give H. Call doctors and have some options of doctors he can see when he is ready. You need to switch the focus from OW to depression. Depression is the enemy. Once H is ready to deal with that and get some help with that, the OW will go away, but it won't until the depression is gone (whether it is this one or another one).

You need to think about this like an alcoholic or drug addict. You can do everything in your power to show them they have a problem, but until they are ready to get help there is nothing you can do. Stop trying to bust the A because even if you say stuff to H or OW, it ultimately gives them control of your life and it makes you look bad.

Vent here, but you need to stop obsessing. Sorry for the harsh tone. You can make it, but to do that you need to focus on you and get you ready because helping someone who is depressed is just as hard as what you are doing now and unless you are ready, the stress could stop you then as well. You need to get strong and get ready for the fight ahead so when H is ready you can help him get over the depression.

Have a good weekend and have some fun!