How do I act?

[Surviving03]

Yes you are right.... Thank you for helping me see this in myself... I still have controlling tendencies. I already get a sense that things are going to just kinda fall back into the old routine and habits... which I dont want at all because then we will find ourselves in this same boat.

I keep telling myself that it is very possible for both of us to eventually feel "in love" with eachother again... but it all feels so forced right now... on both of our parts, it may not be as forced on his part and I think it is, I just, of course, have that fear the its not genuine since it came out of complete nowhere, and for me, I feel like I am faking it until it actually is real. Which I think could be what you were saying in that last paragraph Steady, Im so afraid that he will leave me again that I am keeping my heart guarded... its tough, but then again, I know it will take time.

H and I have a dinner date planned tonight at my favorite restaurant here in Turkey, surprisingly its actually a Sushi restaurant Weird I know, but the guys that make the sushi are actually Japanese. Its a very interesting place, and I love it.