You and I have so much in common we should talk. Other than your husband is a bit older than mine and my H's EA has been going on for 3 years now via the internet and secret email accounts with his old high school sweetheart. God I love facebook. I have given H an ultimatum at the end of January which included 'no contact' with a no contact letter. The no contact letter he would not send since he, ya' know, didn't want to talk to her again. And to go to counseling for his addiction. So last week he contacted her again and guess what he promised but never went to counseling. And he too tells me he loves me all the time too. It is crazy making. You are not alone.
His problem is very much an addiction and it is based on fantasy not reality. That is the part that will give you hope. Your long marriage was reality as my IC says. Our marriage of 18 years was very real. My IC says these affairs when you cram them with all of the daily stuff we've endured can't and generally don't last. The euphoria wears off. Statistics say generally most end within 6 months when put to the test. However, I've read longer here on these blogs.
What you need to do first is ask yourself if you love your husband enough to try to save your marriage? And if you do can you get to a point of forgiveness? What was it in the marriage that was lacking (this is the part you played in this) that you need to start working on? And start working on that now so he can see changes in you. It will be necessary for you to grow from the experience.
Read, read, read DB. Over and over. Do the 180's that work for you and the LRT?
That said I am here again on the blogs tonight because I'm at a loss of where to go next. I feel I've DBed right. But my H contacted the EA again after a 75 day break. And he says you can't see that I'm trying. Jeeeezzzz, give me a break. Now I just read all the advice you got and I realize its probably because he hasn't suffered the consequences. I'm going to buy some boxes tomorrow.
Today I delivered a letter that said we need to separate when he returns from boot camp. Oh yeah 46 years old in boot camp so some of this may include some mid-life crisis stuff too.
Like you I am afraid for Sunday to come too when I have to see him after he read my letter.
I will pray for you tonight.
GDH
Last edited by Goingdownhill; 04/23/1007:19 AM.
Let the sideshow begin....
Me 44 H 46 S 13 D 11 Married: 17 Dated: 7
Bomb 7/1//08 ILUBINILWY 2nd Bomb 4/3/09 I'm Leaving You 3rd Bomb 11/2009 - The 3 YR Affair is discovered
