Two very attractive, fun and vivacious gals are interested in me. It brings my mojo back. I'm not having to beg and grovel like a dog for attention. One lives down by my wife and would like to do dinner. Another lives 800 miles away and would like to do more then that.
I am somewhat attracted to the one that lives far away, but would not go there for fear of what might happen. The other I am very attracted to, I don't necessarily worry I'd get myself into trouble right off morally, but I am hesitant to even meet her as I am still married.
What it has done is bring to the surface a great deal of resentment I have toward my wife and the feeling of having to continually chase her for reassurance, affection and acceptance of ME. I can return to being the assertive, confident me, without the fear of being reminded of all my mistakes, or shortcomings. Heck, these gals like my personality the way it is (without of course the items I DO need to ditch). But most of you know what I'm trying to say here.
I'm not saying the changes necessary in me are not needed, or shouldn't continue. But the eggshell dance is not needed with these girls. I can be ME without fear of rejection, humiliation, "do you remember what you did 23 yrs ago" talk. It is so refreshing and welcome, that it has really got me to the brink. As the last 4 mc's and even the mediator today said-"You've got to do something different or you'll be back here again in a year". And he's right!!!!!!!
I am really torn. I love my wife. I hate how she treats me! I don't want to hurt either of these gals, because I could rationalize it's just friends, but most of us have heard that one, and I sure didn't like what happened from there. They've both been divorced and I don't want to add to anyone's pain of rejection. I could easily see friendship with one leading to something else real quick, and the other...she could very well be a very long term replacement for the W who has stomped all over my emotions and heart for the last 15 years or so. Man am I soooo tired of her merry-go-round. I so don't want to do this anymore.
I'm at the point to put down a very short time frame for my W to agree to actually start working on the m with counseling and a plan to live together again, or move it on to be done with it and on to someone who would gladly love to have someone at home everyday, that works hard, is faithful to her and wants to be in an R. The one that could be a candidate for the next Mrs. even knows who I am from 35 years ago and is still excited about it. And she is cute and nice!(They both are).
So folks-I know this is my decision. I also know I am at the point I am no longer willing to just keep waiting, and waiting, and even if getting back together never see things change. I've had 4 ic's tell me that with my wife's issues and her unwillingness to work on them it never will. I cannot see myself doing this another year. You can only KA for so long, and the taste of poo never gets any better.
Has anyone else been through this? Do I dare go to dinner and take the chance of a connection and possibly hurting someone, or can it just be a casual meeting without having that happen? Man would I love to see the sparkle in a women's eye's again without knowing that at any time she can just flip and I have to do the eggshell boogey forever.
