me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
H4L- love it. Do you want to share some smaller steps for each that you plan to tackle- some bite-sized pieces? What kind of music do you teach? If it's voice, I might hire you!
-Alice
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
I think I've forgotten to say recently that I really admire how you are dealing with a very tough situation. It's complicated and there are no easy answers for you. (((H4L)))
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I think he's testing the waters and/or making sure he can keep one toe still inside the door. Whether he's wining and dining 6 OW or not, I don't believe he knows what he wants at all---as evidenced by his hot and cold behaviors.
Hang in there and keep doing what you're doing. Aside from H keeping you on your toes, how are *you* doing? Are you climbing back up from the bottom that smashed into you a couple weeks ago?
Me38,H:38,S:7 Married:6/99 Bomb:7/04 Sep.:5/05 D Filed:3/08;Final 1/10 Piecing:11/09 H moved back:09/10 Current thread: http://tiny.cc/htcty
Thank you for supporting me that he doesn't know what he wants. Even though he said he wants to be broken up, his actions sure do confuse. It makes me feel good to imagine he may be confused. That always means there's still hope.
I"ve adjusted with the fabulous support from the boards and some other things. I got on some mild anti anxiety meds which does wonders. I got a dream job - part time for now, with room to grow - teaching music to children. My play opens in ten days and looks to be agreat show. The board friends have encouraged me to be more dim. As hard as it is, I am trying to let go.
On the down side, I can barely eat. I'm losing a lot of weight and can't stop smoking.
Going dim is bringing up a lot of childhood trauma, which i am trying to focus on recovering from, instead of chasing my H to love me and take care of me.
On the down side, I can barely eat. I'm losing a lot of weight
I know that drill . It's hard because when you're eating that little, you actually aren't getting enough energy into the body.
Originally Posted By: Hope4Luv
Going dim is bringing up a lot of childhood trauma, which i am trying to focus on recovering from, instead of chasing my H to love me and take care of me.
(((Hope)))
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Still trying to stay dim. It sucks because H seems he couldn't be happier. I came home from rehearsal and went straight to bed. I kept walking away and saying very little when he spoke to me. No reaction from him. He's happy in his own little world. He has controlled me for so long and now he has me quiet and in my little corner just where he wants me. BUt I'm not pursuing...don't want to be hurt again. REsisted going in the living room to talk, watch shows, etc...resisted asking about S...resisted asking for a hug... I did it anyhow! And, he continues to be nice. It's so weird.trying not to get my hopes up. This sucks~
congratulations. i can't imagine how difficult it must be to stay dim with him in the living room like that. good for you to sticking to what you decided. the detachment versus hope rollercoaster thing is very hard on me too. have not mastered it and i likely never will! hope this gets easier soon. glad your show is opening soon. break a leg!
Yeah, your husband's actions and words don't match, but trying to decipher them will drive you nuts! Dim is good--forces you to stop focusing on him.
IMO, there is always hope, but I don't think we can do anything to sway them back--it has to come on their own. OTOH, I do think we can do things to damage the bridge so they *don't* rethink things. I'm sure if I did or said 1/4 of the evil, vindictive things in my head the past 5 years, my H would never have had this mysterious change of heart.
I'm so happy for you for your job! The appetite will come back. I've been back and forth on that a lot over the years! I quit smoking before I got pregnant and of course once H dropped the bomb, started back again. I quit 6 months ago.
I had started taking Wellbutrin(aka Zyban) for depression a couple years ago. I was tired of feeling numb over everything and figured the smoking cessation side effects would be a bonus. Once I started taking it, through no action on my part, I realized I was smoking 1/2 as much. From over a pack a day to sometimes only 8 a day. When I decided to quit this fall (taxes on them in NY went up again and I just couldn't afford it anymore), the Wellbutrin helped soooo much compared to from when I quit before we started TTC.
Hang in there! You're doing great. One step at a time and you will get through this and out the other side again. We don't know what will be on the other side or if it's what you think you want right now, but it will be better than this. Promise!
Me38,H:38,S:7 Married:6/99 Bomb:7/04 Sep.:5/05 D Filed:3/08;Final 1/10 Piecing:11/09 H moved back:09/10 Current thread: http://tiny.cc/htcty
This sounds so hard, hvL. You are incredibly strong to be able to handle all this while in the same house--even though you are having a tough time, you are doing it.
Tell us more about the theatre--you asked me about it in the alt, but I never got a chance to reply.
Being in a play can be so much fun, so much group energy--and being ALLOWED to not be yourself for at least 2 hours--does it help? Can you come home buoyed up by all the theatre energy--and keep that with you as you walk through the door? I do hope it is a Neil Simon comedy you are working on, not some dreary Chekov thing!
Not eating--yes, we have all been there. I forced down lots of supplement drinks in the early days--got some calories, vites, and calcium in, so I didn't have to add scurvy, osteoperosis, and rickets to the rest of my problems! Have you tried some of those? even just enriched, vanilla soymilk is good, and easy on the digestion.
. It's hard because when you're eating that little, you actually aren't getting enough energy into the body.