I don't even know your WAH and I'm just pissed about the OW. I just have to say that and hope that you know I'm with ya.
I'd want to tell everyone, too, about his affair, and I'd do it. It could "ruin" chances of reconciliation in the future, but probably not.
The anger actually helps detachment and moving on, at least in my opinion. It gives you a spurt of energy to move away.
When you said "you are already dead" did you mean him? Like, he's already dead to you and this doesn't change anything? That's how I took it at least. . .
G, ta pal. I exposed hard back at Xmas after he dropped the Bomb, but then obviously the A went underground - ya know, it's not too "socially acceptable" to be canoodling with the OW, when Wife is pregnant with planned first child.
YIKES!!!
And Allen A was right: sometimes A's flourish long distance cos they are even more unrequited = romantic.
Would prefer WAH to do the announcing and explaining, I reckon.
He also said, "But I'm still here (in the country) and that means something", and "We can't write or shouldn't try to write the future".
I said he was an adult and could do what he wanted, that I though it was a very sad decision for everyone especially his child, and that if he was going down that path then I would be making the decisions pretty much alone and that he could get used to being a divorced Dad from now.
He also said he was scared of being a father and alluded to the idea that he didn't have the "energy" to do the "right" thing.
WOOOOOOW! My jaw dropped when I read this and then was soooooo proud of you for the way you responded!!!
please don't give up yet-but it will help you in the long run to be preparing for the worst- I just refused to consider that my H wouldn't be back and that I would be a single mom. Biggest regret I ever made to "count" on him turning around after S was born. NOT THAT your H won't do that--because I have read several examples where they do come around which is why I was expecting my H to. But being able to prepare for a future without your H in the picture will make it easier for you to endure, keep boundaries, practice "tough love" and make decisions about how to proceed if he doesn't come around quick enough.
Is your BIL helping you or taking care of you a little? Just wondering- these last few weeks will be soooo tiring but EXCITING!!!!WOO HOO YOUR BABY WILL BE HERE BEFORE YOU KNOW IT!!!!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Not giving up NM! Was tactical. Sometimes I teetered into lecturing (persuing - so I take back what I posted before when I said there was none of that) a little, but nothing like I did before.
At one point he said I sounded angry, and I said "I am not angry, I am past anger. I am trying to have an intellectually honest conversation with you without trying to convince you.. It's your journey.."etc etc.
Possibly kidding myself here?
I'll get better at it with time.
I am feeling quite down now, but have constructed the cot and am about to put sheets on to see how it looks!
BIL has been a darling. It's been hard for him, I know, but he has handled himself with such grace. He is being very handy around the apartment, boosted my morale, and is completely freaked by WAH. But that will probably change over time. He is also very proud and amazed by my strength - he thinks that's the baby. He also touches my stomach all the time, and is connecting fast to his unborn niece. Told him the OW news and he is quite upset and has gone for a long wallk...
Oh Piano, sorry- I was not saying you were giving up!! I was prefacing my statement about preparing for the worst with that phrase because I didn't mean to sound like "you are doomed." you know?
When is your due date again?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
I just refused to consider that my H wouldn't be back and that I would be a single mom. Biggest regret I ever made to "count" on him turning around after S was born.
NM, I am so sorry he didn't turn around.. my heart breaks for you. Thankyou so much for sharing all this -- I can learn from you, as others can. I have very little faith anything will change after the birth.
Oh Piano, sorry- I was not saying you were giving up!! I was prefacing my statement about preparing for the worst with that phrase because I didn't mean to sound like "you are doomed." you know? When is your due date again?
Oh i didn't take it that way, Newmama :-) Yes, preparing for the worst is the only option ..devastating as it is. Due in 4 weeks...
How do you cope with seeing your H? Do you still see him as "yours", so to speak, even if he is with OW?
And how are you feeling about OW spending time with your child?
