W still wants separation, need to DB more

[OfficerInNeed]

why only then?
so if she shows you she can be civil every now & then, that's good enough for you?

You still don't get it.

How many hoops are you making her jump through?

NONE.

You don't mind jumping through her hoops, in fact you do it like a good little doggy.

Sure she enjoys it a little bit too although she won't admit it, she may not even be cognizant of it but she does enjoy the amount of control she exerts over you because apparently you jump when she asks you too.

And you cling to her random civil almost "nice" behavior as hope that she'll change her mind, and she's more intuitive to these things then you are and she knows that this gives you hope.

She is in love with her feelings, her emotions.
You're trying to solve this problem with your logic.

Logic vs. Emotions

Which do you think is going to win?

Here's a clue, she still wants to leave you and move out and divorce you.

Agree with her feelings.
Everytime you communicate that you want to remain married to her, that you want to work on the marriage, that you will improve yourself and change for her, you are communicating that you want this marriage and she is communicating to you that she doesn't want this marriage. So you want what she doesn't want. You aren't listening to her right now although she's being as clear as she can be, pretty much like you probably have always done with her, not listen to her.

How about for the first time in your life you listen to her.
"Look wife, I agree with you, we can't fix this, and I'm fooling myself thinking that if I change and become Mr.Perfect that you will want to be married to me and this isn't what I want anymore. You are right, this is impossible, it won't work. Truth be told I want to be with someone that wants to be with me so I'm not getting what I want out of this either and I'm being honest with myself. I'm sorry that I haven't been listening to you. When the time comes, I'll help you move and help you pack your things. No hard feelings, maybe one day we can friends after all of this is done."

I do not communicate any of my desires to her about our M/R. I am making these changes for ME as well not just for the hope our M will work. If our M fails to improve and ends, I move on with the next, I don't want to be back on these forums again some day saying the same thing because I continued to be the same a**hole.