Time for darkness.... (thread number 3)ears open

[james217]

Only you can answer the question why you crave time and attention from a woman that has given you a STD, cheated on you in multiple ways, left you and has treated you poorly? Why do you crave time and attention from a woman who has not done right by her children and does not take care of herself?

I honestly don't know. I miss the person she used to be. She did not used to do this type of stuff. She never flirted called OM. She loved her children so much. That's why I cannot believe she has just gone totally left like this. I see flashes of that woman. I mean she came to the hospital with no hesitation. She took me to her place and took care of me. I think losing SD8 was bad enough but after we didn’t see the boys for months it just crushed her. I honestly do not know anymore. The children kept her going. I just see her slipping away. Everytime I see her she’s slipping further away. A lot of times she doesn’t remember what we’ve talked about. She’s just staring into space with a blank expression on her face. She is basically almost tormenting herself for the kids being gone. She blames it all on herself. She tells me how much she deserves to suffer. I try to build her up because she needs to hear it. She has no self esteem. It’s all false bravado. She says I can do so much better than her. She doesn’t deserve me. The kids don’t deserve her. Why did God make her. What is her purpose. I’ve been where she is and know what it’s like to feel like you don’t have a friend. So I try to do things to build her up.



You and your W both have lots of issues to work out as individuals regarding your children. It is a terribly, terribly sad situation. Why is it your job to get your W AD's? It is not? Just like it was up to me to get mine. Yes, my mom stepped in and took me to the dr but after that it had to be all me.

When she was in the mental facility for the break down, they wanted to keep her longer. She wanted to come home and I wanted to get her outpatient care. I never got it for her. She entrusted me to be her Medical POA and instead of taking her down there the next day I just hoped she would get better. She wasn’t getting any better and when I found out it was too late. Yes it is. I miss the kids so much. I am still trying to see S3 and his mother just blatantly ignores our joint custody order and the state does not enforce it. That’s why this job was important. So I can show the judge I’m working again and then file contempt against her to get to see him. I took care of him most of his life. She rarely spent any time with him and just talking about this makes me sadder than the sitch with WAW.


Her drama will increase and it's not your problem. It doesn't matter if the two of you argue or not, the drama still exists. The massive amount of phone calls and texts is honestly ridiculous and very unhealthy. A grown man giving a grown woman a phone battery?

She needed another battery anyways so that she won’t be stranded. This is all my fault C.G. I was the one person in her life that she really trusted and I let her down. I know I did. She looks at me with sadness. Lately she’s been happy. I felt like that the dates and fun would lift her spirits.

Again, a grown woman who is aware of her medication regime and chooses NOT to follow it. Her problem and one you cannot change until SHE is ready to take control of her own life. You think things are getting better and they are not. You may not be arguing but all the bad behavior is still very, very present.

I know they aren’t getting better. I just don’t want to admit it. But at least I’ve shown her a little happiness and that someone really cares about her. She is in a little fantasy world right now. When she said all that stuff about me never leaving her. She was pretty much out of it. She was losing it. She said she cannot lose her best friend. She needs him. She was talking in 3rd person and smiling at me like she had gone totally bonkers stating she knows I will never give up on her or leave her. She was crying and not even looking at me. She was saying it to pretty much no one.

You have total power over you, you just choose not to use it in a productive way as it will piss of your W. Have you sourced and read the article topics I suggested?

No so much as piss her off. I think if I’m gone she’ll think nobody cares about her again and it’ll lead to more destructive behaviour.

I think it is very, very important to understand what you are doing is not DB. You are taking what you can get and your W is pulling all the strings.

Yes youre right. I’m going to try harder. It hurts so much to just watch her fall apart. It’s like she’s dying on the inside. Everytime I hold her most of the time she justs starts crying and pulling away. It’s like seeing me for periods of time or talking to me makes her see reality and she doesn’t want to see it. Sometimes she’s just talking to herself. As much as she loves SD8 I know she wouldn’t just give up on her like that. They were inseperable. She feels like she’s not worthy of being her real mother. She tells me all this stuff and it makes me really really sad. It’s like as long as she doesn’t have to see me or the kids then she pretends it never happened. Most of the time she is sleep or eating or just staring at the t.v. She has not had another P.A. since the one guy. The E.A. yes but she said she just needs someone to talk to. She makes a crazy amount of calls on the phone. I mean it’s ridiculous how she says she wants to be alone but if she’s not talking to me she’s talking to someone. She is very lonely. I don’t know how to help her. I used to could bring her out of it but it’s like she’s far too gone and I’m too sick and stressed myself to get her out of this funk she’s in. She is dying inside. I can see it and feel it. *sighs* What do I do. I pray everyday for the both of us and the kids.