feel like giving up - pt 2

[Onthemountaintop]

"where does this anger come from?" I said, "what did I do to you?" he replies, "nothing I'm just done."

This is an interesting statement. Wouldn't you have expected him to list something? Instead, he said 'nothing'. Sounds like guilt or something else that is keeping him from any kind of connection. That is so sad for both of you. You still need to do something. Is there any kind of 180 that you could present with or after the D papers, if you choose to still give them.

I got a similar one from my H when I said "it seems like you are trying to get away from me and D when you go hide in your video games" and he said "No, just trying to get away from YOU."

Alice & Luv:

I don't make excuses for this, but I said something like that to my W before. While I can apologize and I recognize that lashing out had no place, I know that it was emotion speak, not real words of disgust. Really, the words were likely saying, "you are making me feel so bad about myself I want you to back off", but it is one of those things that a dog backed into a corner does - mean and violent barking.

I don't know, but I suspect that as time heals wounds, your H and Luvless' also will or did regret those awful words. But look at our role models on TV? Hardly the models we get from religious scriptures, are they?

Anger is glorified, but rarely does it get what we want. It is claimed to make one feel better and for those filled with rage, it may. For me, I think speaking and acting with anger just makes things worse - ESPECIALLY when they are deserved but the reciever is in semi-denial.

He kept saying "why are you referring to this being the last time you talk to me?" I thought to myself...why do you care I thought you were done!

He wouldn't ask if he didn't care.

Yes, H like me love feeling cared for and loved (appreciated) and doing favors makes us feel that way. We may end off taking it for granted. When my W and I separated the first time, she wanted to do my laundry and everything. So sometimes, the expectations come because they keep coming, but again, it makes us feel valued. Cutting off that emotion won't make problems go away.

Funny the hug came up as the last one. It need not be. I've had two 'last hugs', but the good feeling it gave made me more determined to try convincing W to give 'us' another chance. Did I succeed? Not yet. But, after the 12th time in 4 months she asked for a separation/divorce, this time she came to me asking me to reconsider when I said I would give it to her.

Obviously, an affair changes that.

Luv, I don't want you to refeel emotions you've been struggling with, so ignore my request if it would be too painful. If it is not, could you list all the reasons that are facts leading you to believe he is having an affair? The reason I ask is that while denial means nothing (I think Puppy said something like they always lie), some of the things you've said your H has done or said just don't make sense. The last thing you'd want is to serve papers only to realize later that he's in some MLC or something.