If you want to discuss his depression that is fine. But for the sake of DB'ing I will tell you that you can't help him with his depression. You cannot fix it. You cannot help him move out of it. You can talk about it "here" but you cannot talk about it at home. When he talks about IC you smile, nod, and be supportive. Do not offer suggestions. You listen to what he is saying.. smile,nod,etc. Then when you have time you report "here" what you heard. When he see's IC.. don't be at home waitin on the report. Find something to do. The idea here is that you want him to approach you about it. I don't want the focus of this thread to become why he is depressed. The main reason for that is that I think you will/have try/tried to fix it.
I made so many mistakes in that area! I didn't know the damage that I was doing. It became a vicious circle where I felt H withdrawing more and more and I tried harder and harder to figure out what was wrong with him and "help" him fix it. I didn't realize how controlling I was being and I didn't realize how I was snuffing out the dying embers of our M.
Read the Divorce Remedy section on depression -- she has some good things to say about how to handle a person in that state. Write down the 180s that you want to make in dealing with the depression. If you've pounced on him after his IC appts in the past, arrange to be out of the house for an hour after he returns from his session. Deal with your own control issues in your IC if that's a problem for you.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
