5 weeks left to DB - need help with my plan

[Piano]

thanks DB! Will be thinking of you guys when we do the toast!
HUGS

[gatsby11]

Baby parties are so fun! The worst part about it is the thank-you notes. . . I still have half to do from my shower last week!

I really like what you wrote and how you referenced Allen-style thoughts.

Can't wait to hear how the party went!

[Piano]

The party was just fantastic. Everyone showed a lot of support, without having to "say" anything, and I was just chuffed to have done it.

Yesterday and today was firmly back to reality and I have hit the ground hard.

H had his parenting therapy session (which I organised) with DB coach, and said she was nice and had some good ideas. He wants to see me, or talk on the phone.
He also tells me he'd like to buy something for the baby and wants to talk about name(s). Obviously a suggestion from coach.
I am going to head off for 5 days to the countryside to clear my head.
I am not ready to talk to him, although I do need him to sign a document for the bank pretty urgently, though I think it's best to not mix reasons for seeing him.

Perhaps the name thing & present are best handled on email?

[Babydoll]

Enjoy the countryside... it is great you are able to go somewhere and just breathe and relax. Easier said than done, but focus all on you. All of the decision will be waiting fo ryou when you return and maybe after having destressed and enjoy some away time, you can answer them better.

Great to see H did speak with DB coach. If nothing else it was a positive thing for the baby.

[gatsby11]

I think email is good for naming and present. Can you mail him the document or do you have to be face-to-face?

Five days sounds really nice. I hope it is refreshing.

[newmama]

agree w/ Gatsby!

[Piano]

Hello. Plans to go away fell through.

New stuff has happened.

Met with WAH about baby names and him purchasing something practical.

I was detached and strong, and gave all the signals and words to convey that I wasn't pursing, that I am moving on without him.

I told him I do not feel comfortable discussing baby names with him (especially the surname) when he is not transparent with me about his plans of staying the country to help out or not with coparenting, and that it made me feel disrespected and that I felt I couldn't negotiate under those conditions.

So, he then fessed up that he still plans to live with the OW, here or overseas, as soon as it's practicable.

I told myself: don't react. YOU ARE ALREADY DEAD.

He also said, "But I'm still here (in the country) and that means something", and "We can't write or shouldn't try to write the future".

I said he was an adult and could do what he wanted, that I though it was a very sad decision for everyone especially his child, and that if he was going down that path then I would be making the decisions pretty much alone and that he could get used to being a divorced Dad from now.

He also said he was scared of being a father and alluded to the idea that he didn't have the "energy" to do the "right" thing.

[Piano]

Do I now let all the ostriches know that the affair is alive and kicking?

Do I need to tell all the ostriches out there who kept telling me to not focus on the OW and to focus on the baby?

Do I write to WAH and tell him he should shout it from the rooftops if he is so proud, as I will be making no secret of it when I next speak to people?

[Babydoll]

Oh Piano,

I am so sorry to hear that

)))))Hugs((((((

Glas to hear you were composed and detached... i laughed when i read your comment "already dead"... but you are not dead!

YOU ARE FULLY ALIVE! and you got the very best of him... a beautiful baby! He admitted he is scared... as if you didnt know... so does he think moving in with OW will make him so darn happy that he will be ok knowing he never tried to work things out with you... he will regret this big time one day...

But continue to be strong.

Dont know about you, and im not sure you read my thread... but im not thinking of H anymore... just me. I want to be selfish and love me and focus on me and plan a future for me.

We... all of us here... and many more out there... do not deserve this!

Hope your day gets better...

[Piano]

Thanks BD. The "dead" comment comes from other posters :-) It kinda means WAH can't do any more harm, so don't be afraid about the next blow. I think it's a good thing to know your reality.

I don't really think anything has changed. It's just that the elephant has been exposed.

You & I share the same focus then. It's about us, not them. Let the drama queens have their drama! We have yummy babies on the way :-)
HUGS