FM- good for you! I'm glad it felt good to get some cleaning done. I hope your parents visiting is a good thing for you. Sometimes family is helpful... sometimes stressful- I hope yours is in the former category--
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
congrats! maybe he should come over and be a daft butt more often. ha. when you were talking about your family's imminent arrival...actually you just hit upon my secret to tidiness: inviting someone over once a week or so for coffee or whatnot who i feel i should have the house "nice" for. how's that for lack of intrinsic motivation? whatever works!
i'm glad you're going to get to have a nice visit with your family. your children will enjoy that and so will you.
you've gotten a lot done this week. hike with client, cleaning, probably a few souffles you are hiding in the oven. things are looking up!
Well, not sure exactly when it happened, but the H of a neighbour who is a great friend called my H and left a voice mail. Apparently H-of-my-friend told my H that he should follow through on his commitment and work things out with me in a somewhat forceful manner. He is planning to confront H in person if the opportunity presents itself.
It feels nice to have someone advocating for me, but I doubt this is helpful! I'm worried that H will think I put this guy up to this (given the close friendship his wife and I have). H and this guy have been neighbours for 10 years and they're friendly but they don't confide in one another.
Should I send H an email saying I have nothing to do with this?
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I personally would say nothing and pretend you know nothing about it unless he asks- so have an answer prepared if he does. If it were me I'd say very calmly, as if it's no big deal, "yeah, friend said something about that recently, but I wasn't sure if he actually called or not/wasn't sure what she was talking about/etc" to brush it off.
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
Personally as a guy I'd take offense if some other guy told me something unless it was a close friend. As for what you can do, not much really...even if you told him you didn't put him up to this he'll just assume you've been talking bad about him behind his back and people will think less of him.
I agree with alice444's advice.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
I would be very vague if your H asks you but do not bring it up. I would also seriously sit down with your friends H and have a conversation about how inappropriate that call was and how it will only diminish what goodwill is left between you and your H.
While it might feel good to have somebody advocate for you, it really will not help at this time and really cause more problems.
I totally agree that it's not helpful CG. I'll try to find a way to tell him. He's old enough to be my father so hopefully it could come off as a generational thing to my H.
Thanks for the input. I won't bring it up with H.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
And since when does depression suddenly equal that they don't love you? Why wouldn't they say to you if you had a good relationship.."Honey, I am depressed, but I want you to know that I love you and I am sorry for pulling you down?"
THAT is how it happens in a good relationship.
How do you know that YOU aren't the cause of her depression because she doesn't want to tell you again that she just doesn't have it for you? Maybe she is thinking "is this all there is, I know how hard he tries but I JUST DON'T FEEL the way I want to feel for him"
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I need help understanding the meaning behind the post from OfficerinNeed's thread!
But about the comments on the messy house- any chance that since you have been handling yourself so well in front of him that he was looking for a sign that you aren't doing okay?
Do you think he is surprised at how strong you are being through this? Do you see what I mean-like it is kind of threatening to him in a way that you haven't fallen apart. Just observing.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
But about the comments on the messy house- any chance that since you have been handling yourself so well in front of him that he was looking for a sign that you aren't doing okay?
Possible.
Originally Posted By: newmama
Do you think he is surprised at how strong you are being through this?
We were together for 17 years so he's seen my strength...but my self-control and consistency under the circumstances have got to be throwing him for a loop at least a little bit.
Originally Posted By: newmama
Do you see what I mean-like it is kind of threatening to him in a way that you haven't fallen apart.
I pursued him for years and he rejected me for years. I was distressed for years. He can divorce me but I want my dignity...I don't want to be the pathetic ex who couldn't get over losing God's Gift to Womankind.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
