Gatsby I think if you do talk face to face and in a calm way about how they hurt your feelings then it is better than what I was picturing. You are right, they can really help you with your baby and besides- your baby deserves to know them, right? I hold nothing against my in laws and they are welcome to see my S whenever.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Even though he unfriended me a long time ago on facebook, I happened to see a new picture of him. He just changed his profile picture. It is a close-up, a face I've seen so many times. Freckles, his teeth, crinkles around his eyes. . . I haven't cried like this in a while.
My only hope is that he saw that I changed my picture about a week ago. It's a really good picture of me, and I hope he cried when he saw mine, too.
That's all.
me, 30 WH, 29 D born June 2010 M: July 2001 Bomb/S: 1/14/10 Done with it all.
I can imagine all the posts he has on his wall, and it disgusts me. I can't believe that he and I were tight partners. Tight. Even over the summer we talked about how good of a match we were. And now he's done this.
Gatsby just keep reminding yourself the man H is now is not the real H. It is temporary. (But at the same time you don't want him the way he is now-I like Allen's suggested wording to Piano about not wanting her "drama queen" H but wanting the old H or something)
And use your anger to keep your resolve. I am sorry about your pain-when you described it I remember last year when I passed my WH on the way to my house as he was leaving and waved but then crumpled in pain because of seeing him after so long and I missed him terribly.
but use FB to YOUR advantage to post away about how great you are doing etc.
So did you talk to your inlaws? How did it go?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Hey, thanks NM. Yep, I have to remember I do NOT want who he is now. I don't. I loved that drama queen stuff on Piano's thread. Thing is, though, my WH was always kinda the drama queen. I was the constant supporter.
I go back and forth to whether I want a drama queen or not. In theory, no, I want someone who is strong. But I also think chances are decent that I would get with a drama queen again. . . not because I necessarily want to, but that's what I'm built for. If that makes sense. Probably something I should talk about in therapy!
IL talk is tonight, and I'm getting softer and softer as it nears. I will still say how I felt, but it will be rather tepid, I'm sure. Then I will tell them all that I don't want to hear about WH ever again except if he dies. Even though I'm dying to hear how bowling went on Tuesday. . . but I'm letting it go, letting it go. (I just want to hear that his dad ripped him a new one!)
Thanks. I have truly regressed! It's horrible. I think the combination of his parents finally being here (they live overseas and just got in to talk to us this week) and the new facebook picture have just set me back.
I could hardly even talk to his mom on the phone to make plans for tonight because I just didn't want all this to be true!
They are acting normal and being regularly cheery and fine, and I used to be able to do that, but now I'm just a teary mess! I hope I can pull it together for tonight.
This is so friggin complicated. . . but yes, I'll let you know how it goes.
me, 30 WH, 29 D born June 2010 M: July 2001 Bomb/S: 1/14/10 Done with it all.
All is well with them. I explained what I've already mentioned-- that I didn't want to feel that they thought if I just would have done this or not done that he would have stayed. And his mom assured me she didn't think that. And that she told WH that even though they would walk him through this crisis, they did not support him. So I'm grateful for them.
I also told them I didn't want to talk about WH ever again except to hear that he died. I don't really mean that, but I know it's best, and I'm glad I said it.
Now to more confusing things, all of which came through them. (I listened to all this before I said I didn't want to hear any more, hee hee!)
He said that he thinks I left him.
!!!
How's this for "don't believe a word they say"? He said that he thought he was just expressing to me what he wanted us to work on and that I just up and left. Hell to the no!
He also said that he was soooo mad that I broke his privacy when I told everyone about our separation. It was a secret for a good two and a half weeks because I thought he would come to his senses. But then when I heard about him making out with his coworker, I notified my family and his and our close friends. So I broke his trust.
Huh????
Just goes to show "don't believe what they say." And that he has some bad projection.
Anyway.
The hard work is ahead. Letting go. . . preparing for the reality of single motherhood. . . his parents are going to try to push him to ask me questions about check ups and stuff. I said it's easier if he doesn't for me to get over him. But I do want him to be a part of the baby's life. . . so this begins, too. The lovely dance of don't-want-to-see-him-but-want-him-to-know-the-baby.
I have lost it this past few days, so I hope I can regain my GAL quickly. Thanks for your support.
Oh, aaand this is what he said about the contract I wrote up (in lieu of a divorce to secure child support): it's like I'm making him pull the trigger on the divorce.
What? I specifically told him the contract was in place of the divorce! His mom was even like, "I didn't know what he meant. He must not understand. . ."
So I'm emailing him tomorrow to get the discussion going about child support. We'll see what happens.
so now he is turning things around on you? Did your IL's ask mention MC or anything? Does he really think you want this? funny, i asked my H if he was happy i was signing the papers, he said i have a choice?! why do they turn it around when they made the decision to leave? maybe they are so truly mentally unstable that they've convinced themselves that we want this too.
Glad to hear your MIL is on your side... i knew they would be. In circumstances like this, what's right is right... and just because you're related to someone who made a huge mistake, does not mean you accept what tyour H did.
Is he still getting counseling? Not remembering, but did you two discuss couples counseling etc?
Sounds like he is not happy with his current circumstance... maybe while his parents are in town you can feel them out on his take on this?
H left me new years day... days later he went out with friends to watch a football game... was upset to know they knew he left... Why the secret? I think for them they are so insecure about their decision, that they are not ready for the world to know their actions.
Well, lots of luck with everything... strong considering leaving the site... need to work on me... less on DB.
