h called and asked me if son could go to sea shore with him tomorrow and stay over til Sat. I said "no I dont want to be alone". I don't think my son wants to go away with him anyway. H betrayed both me and my son.
Isn’t your son 15? He may not want to go, but he should get to decide. MLCers are selfish, but right now you are also being selfish. I am concerned that if your son does want to go you would take it personally. Your son may feel torn, not wanting to go because it is what you want or truly not wanting to go and being afraid to tell his Dad. He most likely has one parent (Dad) who he resents and may not feel comfortable being honest about his feelings with him. One parent like this is bad enough; help your son to feel comfortable with you.
Originally Posted By: Rysmom
I told h how bad he hurt us… I want him to know how bad he hurt me and my son.
He knows, even if you didn’t keep shoving it down his throat he would still know. MLCers run from guilt and you are trying to force his guilt on him. You are thus enabling his escape. He doesn’t feel safe with you, he feels judged by you.
Trust that he feels guilt through his conscience rather than the toxic guilt that comes from an external source. He may not show it now, but guilt takes time and it festers as it grows. When it is not toxic, guilt is a healthy response. Let it happen naturally.
Originally Posted By: Rysmom
if he doesnt agree to counseling soon…
On his own or with you—or either? Because this man will not agree to attend counseling with you unless it is to help you accept or get over it. And he will likely be angry in the session because he will resent you for having dragged him there.
You are trying t change someone else without working enough on your own changes. Focus on you.
