My husband is addicted to an emotional affair

[nicole8]

Well the h seems pretty convinced that he needs a d. He doesn't think it will make him happy but being married isn't making him happy either.

He is seriously driving me nuts and I know I shouldn't let him.

[TimeHeals]

It's not about you. Try to remember that. What ever has happened in the past, you wouldn't be here if you weren't making your marriage a priority, I expect.

I have read some of your posts, and your H sounds a lot like my W (hope I am not reading too much into that), but chances are if you go out of your way to try to make him happy, it's going to feel like you are trying to control him in the place he is in right now.

So... just be happy on your own, and if he chooses to reach out, then be receptive, but you cannot make him happy. R-talk is depressing stuff. Try just to listen to that stuff or go get busy doing something else if you can't resist the temptation to present your point of view (I am a hypocrite on this. I am terrible at not trying to correct errant assertions or ask questions). Small talk, world events, and such are fine if he wants to discuss those, and you aren't arguing about them.

His unhappiness isn't about you, so don't reinforce it by being baited into unpleasantness.

Now, if I can only heed my own advice....

[nicole8]

Timeheals, Taking your own advice is hard to do...,trust me I know from experience. I know this has nothing to do with me. I am by far not perfect but I know his unhappiness is his own battle to fight. My h claims that he is not in a r with anyone but his voice tells me different. A wife sometimes just knows. I am contemplating asking him to show me his phone records. Pretty sure he won't because he is guilty.

There really is nothing more for me to do except be his friend and be there for him. Which he seems pretty uninterested in. He really is living a fantasy life in highschool. So sad

[luvless]

^ I could have written this.

[TrentC]

I am contemplating asking him to show me his phone records. Pretty sure he won't because he is guilty.

I'm pretty sure he won't, regardless of his guilt, because he'll come back with "Why don't you trust me?" and make it all about YOU.

You keep trying to confront and lecture and pry and snoop, and it's really not going to get you anywhere. Believe me, if I thought doing that would make headway in your situation, I would be encouraging you to do it.

And this is all still taking the focus away from you. Every minute you spend chasing a fruitless conversation with him is a minute you could have been reading or doing something for yourself.

[nicole8]

Maybe I should bust the affair open to some friends and make sure the ow knows she is in an affair with a married man. I am evil!

[TrentC]

Maybe I should bust the affair open to some friends and make sure the ow knows she is in an affair with a married man. I am evil!

And it's probably not going to help your situation. But if you want your pound of flesh, go for it.

[rr22]

I am super tired of your H. Why don't you set yourself a secret deadline of a year (and maybe a little extra) for him to get his act together? Don't tell him. Just know it in your mind so you will feel you have an escape hatch coming soon. Have you gotten to your new gym this week? I'm not suggesting you date; I think that's a bad idea now. But I'm sure there are many non-depressed fish in the sea for you in the future if that's what happens. I know you may not want to hear that, but it's very likely true. Your H is not who you met and married at this time. Will he be again? He may or may not. That is the harsh reality.


Hope you have a better next week.

Don't beat yourself up because some truth slipped out of your mouth on that phone call. Turn your phone off if you can't handle talking to him the way you prefer to talk to him this week. Going dark stops fights. Where can you put some of this anger so it doesn't drag you down?

I am having an anger rollercoaster too and it is not fun!

[timehealsall]

I would bust the A and expose him but I'm a b!tch like that.

Your H is pissing me off too!

[nicole8]

I am so tired of sitting here like a sitting duck....I am leaving work early tomorrow to hopefully sign up at the gym. Turns out gym memberships are negotiable and I am all about saving a few dollars. Maybe get a pedicure too!

So I do have a deadline for working on my m. The date is Sept 21st. One year to the date my h first walked out and decided he wasnt able to be a part of our m. This date is of course flexible if we are in fact working on our m at that time.

At this time though he isn't putting any effort into our m at all. He is focused on himself and the ow. He doesn't want to talk about anything and doesn't think it will solve or help anything in our relationship. There is nothing I can do except "drop the rope" and let happen what is going to happen.