Calling all affair annihilators & boundary setters

[courts0818]

PDT,
I'm just curious; why not ask questions about the affair - if it's ended, if he has any contact with her, etc.? You said to act like he's still in contact with OW and I'm just wondering why - bc he still might be or what?

The "NOW what?" feeling you wrote about is exactly the way I feel right now. That's the urgency feeling that is bugging me.

As for boundaries while we are still separated - we pretty much have a schedule set up. However, he has a new job and has been working longer hours. I think I need to have him come over one additional day per wk to spend time with DD. He's getting here about 1 1/2 hrs later than he used to which is cutting into his time with her.

How do I talk to him about not spending our family assets on the A? Do you mean money or what? He's currently paying our mortgage and the rent for the house he's living in. I guess that's not really $ spent directly on the A, but yet it is - bc he moved so he could have the A. He's paying ALL of the bills/expenses at both houses so how do I address this?

I absolutely do NOT want him calling/texting OW in our home or in front of DD. Do I just tell him these are boundaries for the current situation we are in or what? We haven't said much of anything about the A. Should I just bring it up and say like I've been thinking about everything and these are the things I need to live peacefully through this?

PH & PDT,
Since I haven't said much of anything about the affair, should I make it clear to H that I will not consider reconciliation until all communication with OW has ended and then give him the boundaries stated above? Since the bomb, I have pretty much just ignored him. Conversation has been really minimal.

PH,
I am working. It's a slow process. I've had "Not Just Friends" for about a week and I'm only on page 42. I just don't have much time to read. I try to read each night before bed and I get about 5 pages in before I can't keep my eyes open any longer. I worked all last weekend so maybe this weekend I can really get through a good chunk of it.

Kalni,
Thanks for your posts. I can really relate well to your sitch and your feelings.

Oh...and I wanted to add - I've noticed when I don't text/contact H, he usually tries to contact me. For example - I hadn't seen or heard from him since he left last night around 9:30pm. This afternoon he sent me a text asking if we're still planning on playing in the golf outing at my work. We played last year and had a great time (wow...even in the midst of his A - SICK!). WTH though...he is so confusing to me. That's not until June and I'm just struggling with each day. I haven't responded that text.