I'd say where you're at right now seems pretty typical when one partner has had control. I know because I too have control issues and have seen the same response from past partners. Its often said that control creates a parent/child type relationship and all children rebel. Seems like your wife is "rebelling" for lack of a better word.
I also work in Law Enforcement and I understand some of the stress and pressure that goes with it. While its no excuse, it does create some unique stressors.
