One other thing that is preventing me from acting is that I think his behavior is a result of problems in our relationship, not the cause of them. During periods of marital happiness, his call record indicates that he was NOT talking to her. During times where I've been stressed out about work and/or putting more pressure on him to help out with home/family, boom . . . their relationship blossoms. Now, I realize that turning to another woman is not an effective way to solve marriage problems. But, I worry that he won't want to work on things now because the problems don't go away once she's removed. The bottom line, I think, is that he is unhappy with teh high responsibilty we have in our lives (daughter, house payment, two high pressure careers) - and we're only 28. We did too much too fast. This may be a Quarterlife crisis or Early MLC for him. When he stops pulling his fair share it makes more work for me, and given that I work too, I have a hard time being understanding that I must do everything becasue he is tired of responsibility . . . hence the original friction. This friction lasted a month before the call records shoot up from that point until now (4 mos.). So, our problems are deeper than just her, I think when I look at the cause and effect timeline pattern.
You're making EXCUSES for him, and I call "bullchit," I'm sorry. We all have problems; it's how you DEAL with them.
"OW isn't the reason we're breaking up" is typical wayward "script" in an affair situation. My position is, "No, she's not the REASON why we've had marital difficulty, but she IS the most immediate OBSTACLE."
Physiologically, when a person is involved with someone else, it will kill nearly any inclination they might have to work on their marriage and its underlying problems. Just Google "love lust PEA addiction" and do a little basic research on it.
