Thank you, everyone. Newmama - you asked if I have the strenghth to end it over his failure to end the "friendship." this is something I ask myself every day. I think I do, and then I start moving in that direction . . . and then I panic. I start thinking of my four year old daughter and uprooting her . . . and then I start doubting that it is anything other than a friendship (no concrete proof other than too much contact with her). And then we have a night where we get a long and everything seems okay . . . and so on.
One other thing that is preventing me from acting is that I think his behavior is a result of problems in our relationship, not the cause of them. During periods of marital happiness, his call record indicates that he was NOT talking to her. During times where I've been stressed out about work and/or putting more pressure on him to help out with home/family, boom . . . their relationship blossoms. Now, I realize that turning to another woman is not an effective way to solve marriage problems. But, I worry that he won't want to work on things now because the problems don't go away once she's removed. The bottom line, I think, is that he is unhappy with teh high responsibilty we have in our lives (daughter, house payment, two high pressure careers) - and we're only 28. We did too much too fast. This may be a Quarterlife crisis or Early MLC for him. When he stops pulling his fair share it makes more work for me, and given that I work too, I have a hard time being understanding that I must do everything becasue he is tired of responsibility . . . hence the original friction. This friction lasted a month before the call records shoot up from that point until now (4 mos.). So, our problems are deeper than just her, I think when I look at the cause and effect timeline pattern.
Assuming I move forward and confront him/issue an ultimatum, do I -expose the new phone records and trends I found? -contact her and her boyfriend (who both work for the same company as my husband) when he's already established me as controlling/manipulative/demanding with his coworkers? - tell his parents? I fear that by airing our dirty laundry I will lose all respect with him.
Okay . . . I know this post sounds like I have no cajones, and that may be true. I guess part of being on this board is to help me develop those and shut up that panicked voice in my head.
