Me: 45 WAW: 45 | M22 | T25 | No Kids Nov 09 W Filed | Dec 09 Separation Mar 17 2010 Divorce Papers Signed | Divorce Hearing Cancelled Moved back home May 2010 PA Confirmed June 2010 | W left Dec 7 2010
yes he always keeps his phone with him at all times. he says that it is because it is his work phone and he is technically on call in case there is an emergency with computers but still. And yes it is locked and has been for quite awhile now.
My wife also kept wiping her cellphone -- call log and TMs -- a couple of times every day, and also kept the phone with her (or near her) 24/7, it seemed.
I also noticed, that NOW THAT SHE FELT CONFIDENT THAT SHE HAD IT WITH HER ALL THE TIME, she no longer locked it.
So I began to study her habits/patterns every day. And I noticed that every morning, she woke up before I did, came downstairs, put on her shoes, and went outside to get the paper (we were sleeping in separate rooms at this time, me in the master BR and her upstairs in our daughter's old room).
I also noticed (made a beeline/"dry run" up there one morning when she went out to get the paper) that she kept her phone up there after she woke up, near her "bed" (a sleeping bag on the furniture-less room floor), charging, and UNLOCKED.
I quickly set the phone back down where I had found it, and slipped downstairs back into my bed. But I had my plan.
I went online and got a .pdf of her cellphone instructions, as I knew I wouldn't have much time with it, and would have to use that time quickly and wisely, and couldn't afford to be stumbling around with the buttons (I was totally unfamiliar with her phone). I studied the owners manual until I knew the navigation for call log and especially TEXT MESSAGES, frontwards and back. I waited for my opportunity, making sure to begin CLOSING MY BEDROOM DOOR EVERY NIGHT WHEN I WENT TO BED (I hadn't previously; had left it open a crack).
This I did for a week or two.
One morning, after a night where she had gone to bed early and I KNEW she was text messaging up there in her room, I pretended like I was asleep, and waited for her to go out and get the newspaper. When she did, I bolted up out of bed, left my bedroom, and shut the door the way behind me. I ran upstairs, went into her bedroom, and quietly closed the door behind me. There, next to her sleeping bag, was her cellphone, unlocked.
I spent the next 5 minutes looking at more than I needed to know, or that I wanted to see. Lots of "ILYs" and "no one does it for me like you do's" (this after she claimed the affair was over, and they were "just friends" again). Made sure to check both a few Sent Items and a few INbox, to make sure this wasn't a one-sided affair.
It wasn't.
I laid the phone back down, and came out of her bedroom and into our upstairs game room, and just went on the family computer for about 10-15 minutes. She was now downstairs, reading the newspaper at the kitchen table, just as she always did.
After awhile, I came down the stairs, and gave her a cheery "G'morning!"
She looked like she had seen a ghost, and the poor girl probably wet herself.
"W-w-what are you doing up?" she stammered.
"Oh, I couldn't sleep -- just went on the computer for a little bit," I answered.
"What's wrong with your laptop?" she asked, worried. (I rarely used the family computer upstairs)
"Oh, nothing," I purposely said briefly. "I"m gonna get in the shower; you need anything out of there?"
"No," she said, obviously worried shitless.
I knew all I needed to know, and it was GOOD that I knew it, because no more than 4-5 days later, she tried to gaslight me about not having any feelings for this OM. At that point, I said "STOP IT -- we both know you're lying to me right now. I saw your text messages the other morning, so you can sell that to someone who's buying."
'Nads, there is nothing wrong with protecting yourself, and your family. In fact, I would claim that you have a moral imperative to do so.
I know what you are saying but why is it so hard to continue to keep doing that when I know it works. I am doing this for myself as well but no matter what you can't help but still feeling some emotion about the whole situation at hand, that is a normal feeling for everyone.
Then later that night I went into our office and locked the door, a few minutes later he comes knocking asking me why did you lock the door? Are you doing something you shouldn't be doing?
Originally Posted By: Katie
I agree. Last night I was in a super good mood hanging out with my kids and singing around the house. After the kids went to bed he comes in and asks me why I am in such a great mood, he says you are acting like you have a boyfriend mood. I said nope just having a great day!
It's called projection.
Originally Posted By: Katie
So could you tell me from my post and what I have said that he is interested in someone else?
The answer is in your own posts right here:
Originally Posted By: Katie
So today he gets mad at me for texting a girl that plays softball on his team. I think there is an emotional affair going on because he gets really defensive when it comes to anything involved with her. He is mad at me because she doesn't talk to him now because of me, whatever.
Originally Posted By: Katie
He knew because she text him about me doing it. She always text him if I do her to tell him I am bothering her so then he gets upset with me because he said that she told me to stop texting her but I didn't. I was asking her to block it because I think there is an emotional affair and I don't want to get the urge to text her anymore and I couldn't block it on my end. Then he tells me that I need to end all contact with his friends going forward
That is an awesome story, so i can go online and find out how to unlock his phone without him knowing it? He never keeps it unlocked I guarntee you, he even takes it with him in the bathroom when he takes a shower and if he doesn't it is in the bedroom charging but in locked position.
I know what you are saying but why is it so hard to continue to keep doing that when I know it works. I am doing this for myself as well but no matter what you can't help but still feeling some emotion about the whole situation at hand, that is a normal feeling for everyone.
The feeling are absolutely normal, Katie.
The trick is not to ACT upon them.
DBing is all about self-control, and executing its principles and techniques. You can go in the bathroom at 2am, turn the exhaust fan on and muffle your sobs into a bath towel if you wish (gee, I wonder who did THAT??? ) . . . but you can't let those kinds of emotions drive your DECISIONS and your STRATEGY.
That is an awesome story, so i can go online and find out how to unlock his phone without him knowing it? He never keeps it unlocked I guarntee you, he even takes it with him in the bathroom when he takes a shower and if he doesn't it is in the bedroom charging but in locked position.
No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying eventually, he will make a MISTAKE. And when he does, you need to be ready to CAPITALIZE on it.
Going online (to read the owner's manual for his phone) is to learn how to quickly navigate the phone if and when he does slip up and leave it unlocked and unguarded.
) . . . but you can't let those kinds of emotions drive your DECISIONS and your STRATEGY.