No doubt she is going through withdrawal. I see that she searches OM's, OMW's and OM's relatives names on FB almost daily. His account is still deactivated. Bizarre right now. She'll be nice for hours and then go off, then nice and apologizes, then blow up, repeat...
I sent a basic msg (...is there something I should know?) to OMW yesterday. Haven't heard back yet.
NOGO on being mutually transparent. I tried that months ago. She won't agree. I heard a bunch of "I need to be independent" type stuff.
NOGO on being mutually transparent. I tried that months ago. She won't agree. I heard a bunch of "I need to be independent" type stuff.
That's not up for debate. She is either transparent or out. It's a NUT - non-negotiable unalterable term.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
OM-W did what I did...I got blind-sided and when I found out that there was an OW I called her...of course H had instructed her to lie, which she did and I believed because I wasn't very imformed at the time (didn't know about this site yet)...in the end when I did find out the truth, H still denied...OW refused to speak to me...but, I had already done my damage to the R that they were building/hiding...it was just a little while and OW moved on because she told H she felt guilty (which she should and was) and there was no way they would ever be able to work things out to be together in peace (she was smart on that one because H's kids wanted nothing to do with him and had he gone with her, that would have sealed that deal for them as they are adults!)
Anyway...I am in the camp that says at the very least call OM-W and just ask her why she blew up at your W...see what she knows...and if it is feels right, tell her what you know...because my gut feeling in this is OM-W is like me, if she finds out something is going on, she will not pull any pull any punches in fighting for her marriage...and this will result in "no fun" for your W and her OM~!
Another thought, my H still left me...we filed for D twice!...after 2 years of LS we did reconcile and just celebrated our 30th with a cruise to the Caribbean...so ending the A didn't end the problems...it was another year or so before we started working on things between us...that seems like so long ago now...
And my gift from H for my 30th? He gave me a custom leather bound bible with real gold leafing, my name engraved on it and on the inside cover he had a scripture from Psalms quoted about how valuable a wife is to her husbandly owner and then in his own words added how much he valued my loyalty, love, and devotion to him and that while we have been together 30 years he intends for it to be forever!...He is back...with me...and we are both happy and in love with each other once more...very protective of our marriage but giving the space we each need to be ourselves...the changes I made were real...as are his...I have no regrets about calling OW...and I never will!
Final point, OW emailed him after several years of no contact, she wanted to know how he was, the kids, and me...H immediately showed me the email and said he would not reply, he was done! I, however, replied and told her that we were happy and respectfully asked that she leave us in peace, we worked hard to get things fixed and wish no reminders from the passed...she replied, appologized, and told me that she was engaged and just curious but that she would not make contact again...end of story!
I say "Call the OM-W" even if she kicks him out, your wife leaves, that doesn't mean happily ever after for them...but as long as she can sneak around it will keep the high going for her...
I haven't received a reply from the FB msg I sent to OMW 2 days ago. Hopefully OM didn't see it first and delete it. I just sent the msg again. Her phone number doesn't pop up in Google. Is there another easy way to get it?
Try classmates.com and other social networking sites. If you have a name see if you can find out associates near her on FB and see if you can have one contact her to contact you...you can do this via private messages BUT I would not disclose to these strangers your need to locate and talk her...I would just say that you know someone in common and that you both need to talk about something important...
I know when I was looking for my MIL (my husband was seperated from her at a very young age) I managaed to find an ex-wife of her deceased husband, she was very helpful in helping me connect with my MIL...using last names you can make phone calls in the area where she lives and possibly locate someone who knows her that will pass on your contact info or give you another way to contact her privately.
Just remember, where there is a will there is a way and I seem to think that she would very much want to talk to you!
I sent a 2nd FB message to OMW a few days ago and have not heard back. So...she either never checks FB, OM got into her account and deleted it, or maybe they've made peace and she won't speak to me. I'm going to try the methods mentioned above.
W resumed grilling me about female coworker and females I've friended on FB. I said fine - let's share all passwords, I've got nothing to hide. I got the same "I need my privacy. You don't need to see what I'm talking to my girlfriends about."
