I think that the shock has begun to wear off and I am trying to figure out what to think, say and do. Most of what spewed from me initially was around the fact that this major change was going on inside my H and he did not tell me anything. I felt helpless, betrayed and confused. I felt like a victim. Then I found DR and it has given me some tools to not feel so victimized. More than anything I felt, still feel, guilty that I did not pick up on anything being wrong.....Next, I get angry that "I" feel guilty when H is the one who is threatening to take out our family. So, there is no one emotion, I am all over the place.
I have been paying very close attention to what I have heard works. H has validated some of it, he told me from the beginning of this mess that when I told him ILY that all it did was make him feel horrible for not feeling the same way. If nothing else, DBing has helped me give him some emotional space while allowing me to be supportive of him.
I have ordered the "without saying a word" book. Hope it will come soon. I really don't know what he needs from me. I've tried to ask, he has no response. He says I am a great person, but we are all flawed. Why won't he tell me what he'd like to see different? Not sure about being smart, I feel completely inept!
