Thanks for help through today. I relate so much to your sitch. I am trying to be a good dad, and I think that is my bright spot. It was great to be at my son's Roundup for Kindergarten, but it was disappointed to not really share it together as a family.
I do expect the rollercoaster, but I did not expect today. It just hit me like a ton of bricks, and it was no different than any other day.
I don't know how long one person can, but I guess I am going to find out. That is question I am sure we all have. I guess it is different for everyone. I don't plan to go to D before my does, but that could change as I notice the changes in me even if she doesn't.
Your are doing good to. I will check in on you to make sure that you continue to be strong for you and your kids.
I do look forward to a new day tomorrow and this one over.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
I hope you are doing okay too. I am sure that your sitch is difficult too. I appreciate the dose of reality from you. I need that in any form.
I have been focusing on me more than ever, but I guess it is not enought. I will try harder.
There is nothing I can do about what the W wants, and I need to find a way to accept. I guess I will do that when I am ready. I find that I am able to accept it more and more, but some days I find myself reminiscing like today.
You and mb28, and idontunderstand sure helped me through a rough one. Thank you guys!!!
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
A friend of mine just got kicked out from his wife's house. Her name was on the lease, she asked him to leave. He said, "give me a month and I'll be out of here". The next day he made plans to leave, with no drama. Sometimes they are wrong, and you don't do people like that. You move on, and if life kicks their ass and you were always the best option but they weren't seeing it, they will have to take the chance you still want them.
You are similar boat in that you have to GAL as hard as you can and focus on yourself. You will take blows and damages to your psyche if you try to fit into the "same spot" that you did with your wife. Thats what happened to me.
GAL hard, and make sure your having lots of fun.
I'm loving the stories here about "affair bursting" and the wife comes home.
I am sorry if I just posted "I love it" in response to MrBond in your thread. That is a very good thread you have. I am so impressed by all the stories that are being posted.
As usual you are giving me some good advice here. I really do need to hear it, and you have good way of explaining, so I get it. I do know that I am trying to fit in the "same spot" with my W too much still.
I wanted so much to go out and GAL to a Toastmaster's meeting that I have wanted to go to so bad, but I just keep to seem putting it off to stay home with kids and make dinner. I had a good opportunity to go tonight and I passed it up. I should have went. I will go next week if I can. She gets home late, and I need to make sure that the kids are okay, and we only have one car. I need to quit making excuses and just do it!!!
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
I am sorry if I just posted "I love it" in response to MrBond in your thread. That is a very good thread you have. I am so impressed by all the stories that are being posted.
As usual you are giving me some good advice here. I really do need to hear it, and you have good way of explaining, so I get it. I do know that I am trying to fit in the "same spot" with my W too much still.
I wanted so much to go out and GAL to a Toastmaster's meeting that I have wanted to go to so bad, but I just keep to seem putting it off to stay home with kids and make dinner. I had a good opportunity to go tonight and I passed it up. I should have went. I will go next week if I can. She gets home late, and I need to make sure that the kids are okay, and we only have one car. I need to quit making excuses and just do it!!!
LSG,
gman will have a story before long. Since the OM was his former friend and their kids participate in sporting events together. They will see each other in some of the activities they do.
I personally believe that a OM beating and/or "affair bursting" return alot of personal power that H had taken from him, also a massive perception shift on the part of the wife. While we are being cheated we look powerless to them, because of what they are doing.
LSG, Not sure if someone has already given you this info on detaching or not. It has helped me a lot and I read it almost every day:
What is detachment? Detachment is the: * Ability to allow people, places or things the freedom to be themselves. * Holding back from the need to rescue, save or fix another person from being sick, dysfunctional or irrational * Giving another person "the space" to be herself * Disengaging from an over-enmeshed or dependent relationship with people. * Willingness to accept that you cannot change or control a person, place or thing. * Developing and maintaining of a safe, emotional distance from someone whom you have previously given a lot of power to affect your emotional outlook on life. * Establishing of emotional boundaries between you and those people you have become overly enmeshed or dependent with in order that all of you might be able to develop your own sense of autonomy and independence. * Process by which you are free to feel your own feelings when you see another person falter and fail and not be led by guilt to feel responsible for their failure or faltering. * Ability to maintain an emotional bond of love, concern and caring without the negative results of rescuing, enabling, fixing or controlling. * Placing of all things in life into a healthy, rational perspective and recognizing that there is a need to back away from the uncontrollable and unchangeable realities of life. * Ability to exercise emotional self-protection and prevention so as not to experience greater emotional devastation from having hung on beyond a reasonable and rational point. * Ability to let people you love and care for accept personal responsibility for their own actions and to practice tough love and not give in when they come to you to bail them out when their actions lead to failure or trouble for them. * Ability to allow people to be who they "really are" rather than who you "want them to be." * Ability to avoid being hurt, abused, taken advantage of by people who in the past have been overly dependent or enmeshed with you
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
* Ability to allow people to be who they "really are" rather than who you "want them to be." * Ability to avoid being hurt, abused, taken advantage of by people who in the past have been overly dependent or enmeshed with you
I appreciate the list. I am sure I have been guilty of one or all of those. I don't know. I sure do feel that maybe I am largely responsible for the problems in my R. I know that is not what you intended for me. I just wish I had known all these things I know now maybe my M would not be in the trouble it is now. I have always tried to do my best.
I don't know. The past two days have been a real eye opener, and I really don't know what to think.
Thanks for the list and the support to everyone today. I just have so much thinking to do.
I hope I will have an opportunity with my W to have a better M.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
