Well. We were chatting today about the camping trip. There were friends of ours who wanted to go with, but probably cant make it, and I made comment about how they still want to hang out and maybe get dinner with us.
She said ok, that sounds good.
And then immediately accused me of trying to make her my girlfriend.
Like, straight from "ok, that sounds good" to "I CANT BE YOUR OR ANYONE ELSES GIRLFRIEND!"
Then she got upset about how she cant talk about feelings today.
Seriously, the only thing I was talking about was where we can go camping... And then this comes out.
Now that I've had a few days to step back and look at what I've been doing, I really regret making these plans with my wife... The zoo on her birthday and now were officially going camping with good friends of ours (married couple) in the middle of May.
I want to cancel all of this, and just get away. Problem I have, is that a HUGE problem my wife had with me when we were together was me doing just that... Canceling plans. I did it ALL. THE. TIME. and it drove her crazy. She even made a comment recently about how these are the kinda plans I woulda have backed out on 6 months ago.
So... I can't. I made my bed here and I have to lay in it. We have 2 definite things to do together, and I'm going to do those things and then reassess what, if anything, has changed.
We talk pretty much everyday... Mostly just light chit chat.
And yeah, I'm totally on the roller coaster right now. A big part of me just wants to go dark to get away from it, but I can't just cancel these plans now.
I honestly have no idea if talking to her and doing things with her is good or bad. I know the advice I've gotten to LRT and stick to it is a very proven method, but at the same time, she is so receptive to us talking and getting together.
When we do spend time together we are all smoochy smoochy and we talk and everything is nice, so it's like I want to keep that going.
Problem is, I can't tell if the time together and the smoochy smoochy is helping or not. I know she is confused as to what she wants.
I'm trying really hard to just be patient here, and stay cool, and worry about myself and not react to anything she says or does.
I'd like to think that spending quality time together is helping us reconnect, but I just can't tell yet. It's only been like a week since we started talking again after about a month of no contact, so I spose I should just give it a bit and see how she reacts after spending some time together over the next month or so.
I'm gonna go back to not contacting her unless it is related to the plans we already have.
A little more mystery in between meetings can't hurt, for sure.
This is weird to me... I don't really know how to take what we are doing right now. I mean, it's just assumed we are sleeping in the same tent when we camp. I want to just flat out ask "what are we doing here?" but I'm 99% positive that would generate a pretty nasty response after the whole "I'm not your or anyone else's girlfriend" comment.
My thoughts are that she is confused, and she is scared... Well, I know she is confused and scared, because she told me, but confused and scared about what is another story.
Again... I guess I can't really read into it too much... Just gonna roll with this for now.
I'm gonna go back to not contacting her unless it is related to the plans we already have.
This is where you should be "practicing" your deep rooted issue of cancelling plans. I don't think it was just cancelling plans. You also seem to do the same thing with "going dark", "LRT" "leaving her alone" "not leaving her alone"... etc..
You say and make "plans" on how you are going to handle this situation you are in and then you seem to want to "change those plans daily.
Why would you make plans to do not one, but TWO things knowing you have this issue to resolve? Either STOP making plans or learn how to keep them. This emotional all over the place is a symptom of your cancelling plans. One day you are not going to talk to her, the next day you want to send an email. One day you ask her out, the next day you want to cancel..
This isn't just about making plans. I would venture to say you do this in most all areas of your life. You question in your mind many decisions you make...
The thing that concerns me about the zoo date and the camping trip is that you have made "plans" in your mind that you are not going to bring up the relationship or talk about getting back together. Once you are with her are you going to "cancel" the not talking about the relationship or the getting back together plans you are making? Beware because that seems to be the root here. You better do some deep soul searching NOW about disciplining yourself not to change those promises you make to yourself on how you want to act during those meetings. You are proned to "cancel" plans.
