what's impressive is the number of WAW's that spout depression but seem perfectly fine when they're out clubbing with their lady friends and they seem perfectly fine having affairs with OM and chasing OM with the intent to have affairs so maybe it isn't because they're depressed maybe it's that they are depressed with YOU because you've become someone different to them or you've changed into something which is no longer attractive or appealing - you can't hide behind marriage vows and degenerate into some lazy bum thinking "hey the vow's said for better or for worse so just deal with it!"
robx,
Maybe they have changed. It is common in the state of mind that a cheating wife that in their mind "in my mind, I am not married". Thats what they do. Many of them are running with single friends and any thoughts of responsibility or accountability to their marriage has them depressed.
Originally Posted By: robx
No one is attacking anyone on these forums, the direct approach is used because we're adults and we don't need to sugar coat things for you.
Read the following quote from your best friend gucci, it really says alot about the state of mind some of your wives are in and what you need to do in your situations. In the end, how long do you stay in your current situation, continuing to do the same things hoping for something to change and your wives to "snap" out of their funk? Doing the same thing over and over again is the definition of insanity, when you've been at it for months or years and have produced no visible changes in your situations when do you finally realize in your "logical" brains that what you are doing isn't working?
I haven't broken my maritial vows and the wife gets off on cheating on me, feeling "free" and "independant", what did I do wrong. Watch sex and the city my friend, they are cheating much more than before - and many of them have no accountability to their actions. The husband doesn't have to do anything wrong. You keep thinking that wives who are cheating are virtuas and loyal women, when their acts prove other wise.
Originally Posted By: gucci loafer
Quote:
I am strong, I am confident, I also like to get my way. So I am struggling with fighting for my marriage and letting her make the biggest mistake of my familys life.
Do a little research. Strong confident men are attractive to women. So, when a strong, confident man is fighting for his marriage, the woman views it (and her view is what counts) as WEAKNESS (which is NOT attractive)
Have you ever noticed that strong, confident men usually always have a woman that is considered "hot"? Usually the woman does a lot of the chasing? Ever noticed that reality with those types of men/women relationships?
You see, one of the things that many men "miss" on this site is that when a woman is feeling those "romantic and in love feelings" is when she is dating "up" or involved with a man who allows HER to do much of the pursuing and chasing. Now women will tell you they would prefer to be chased, but have you noticed that really isn't the true reality? That when they are chased by a man that they usually back off? (and YOU are another case in point right now)
The key is to know how to pursue and yet allow her to pursue. You HAVE to let her "feel" (women go by feelngs) that you KNOW that you deserve and will not accept anything less than a woman who WANTS to be with you and will be exclusive with you. She needs to "feel" that you will accept nothing less.
You ARE accepting something less. Don't you see that you are pursuing a woman who even tells you she can't be faithful? You should be calling her bluff as if you have a straight flush. As a strong and confident man this is the reason you have lost your mojo. You don't have the "confidence" to tell her NO, this is unacceptable and I don't want a woman like that. End of story.
My answer to you is different than what you will usullay hear on this site, but one I have seen work far better again and again and again...
Your 180 is to show her in no uncertain terms that you really have LOST interest in her. That SHE isn't worth YOUR love and time. This will then be perceived as strong and confident. You are not mean to her or punitive, but just casual and "oh well, this isn't working and not what I want or am looking for"
She THEN either HAS to chase you, which causes her romantic feelings to start COMING back or it is over anyway. (so what have you really lost?) Confident men are WILLING to risk it all for the sake of their self esteem.
Now. The psychology behind this is interesting...
She has low self esteem or she wouldn't need all that attention she seems to cry out for. Since she has low self esteem she subconciously thinks this.. "if I don't really love myself and can't be faithful then there MUST be something wrong with HIM (meaning you) to want me when I don't even love myself.....She looks DOWN on you for wanting her because she doesn't even LOVE herself. So she subconciously looks down on you and can't feel those correct feelings because YOU put up with her. This is why you need for HER to chase you so that she feels she is dating UP.
The guy who ends up winning her will be the one who shows these traits. The others will go by the wayside. She secretly WANTS to be faithful, however she won't be able to do it until she finds a man who won't put up with anything less. She will then want to PROVE to that man how faithful she can be.
Show her the man that you told us you are. STRONG AND CONFIDENT. Stong and confident is willing to risk the whole ball of wax to win the prize because he accepts nothing less.
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Also do not discount that you may have a suave lifestyle which is attractive to outside women. You may be a very handsome and charming man. You may not be engaged in the act of physical cheating. There is nothing to say that she may cheat on you or cheat you, because of a rivalry with you. Some times this happens too, there is nothing you can do about it.
Why do you think these cheating wives are virtuous and good women? Why can't at least half of them be completely self centered people who aren't caring about anyone but themself?
