Celestial, Like I said before, I find this MLC ordeal as something scary among other things, something like a "twilight zone" sort of existence, for both the MLCer and LBS I guess. The feeling that all of these spouses have been abducted by aliens and that this can't really be happening in reality, it happens only in movies. That this is just a nightmare and when I wake up one morning my life will have returned to normal again.
"I often wonder if my H will ever wake up? He honestly believes I`m the reason for his unhappiness. If he does wake up, will he be man enough to admit this?"
From what I have read so far in other sitches, all MLCers feel the same towards their spouses. They demonize them. I have seen the monster in my H's eyes when he looks at me. And it's very scary...
As far as them ever waking up, we all want to hope they will one day. Otherwise, it is so much like death. The loss of your mate for good...
I have this to say however regarding him being man enough to admit it when he wakes up:
After my first brush with H's MLC 4 years ago, when I got him back from the "edge" as he was ready to run into the sunset with ow, and we reconciled, and I saw my old H again, when I asked him what it felt like when he was acting like a crazy person in a state of panic, he couldn't identify with the mad person and was asking me to tell him what he had looked like. When I described to him how scary he was, he was looking at me in disbelief and a little scared himself to hear the description. He had said to me then: "I don't know what had come over me". He had completely disassociated with the MLC person then and he had no memory of himself acting like he had. How about that?
Now I think that what must have happened then, is that with my intervention at that time I stopped H's progress to the next stages and as a result 2 years later, with his issues still unresolved, he started the cycle again with worse symptoms this time.
Any comments?
Bomb: 4/2009 M28 T32 Sep8 Me: 53, H:57 S20,D17 D papers filed by H: 2013 H didn't follow up with divorce I completely let go ever since
elfie-I am still trying to figure out all this MLC stuff too but it does sound to me like your H's journey was interrupted and he had come out for a little while and went back in...so sorry that happened!
My H had a brief affair in 2001 and moved out but it really ended before he moved out and he was only gone for a few weeks. I wish I knew then what I know now and would have taken things a little slower! I was just happy to have him home!
Sounds like you are doing well despite everything!!!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
BTW, Do I think my intervention of my H`s MLC slowed him down? Absolutely. In my H`s mind, he hasn`t fulfilled his fantasy, and I know that. His fantasy is to be free of me to pursue his vision of what his perfect life will be.
Hello, I agree the person that my husband became was just far away from the kind lvong eprson he was before - it was as if someone had switched him in the night. The anger and hatered and spitefulness towards me was so very hard to deal with - but my story isn't the only one as I have subsequently found BUT I felt incredibly alone last year, isolated and floundering - these are exactly how everyone on this thread (probably on this whole forum??!!) must have felt - however small the comfort it has helped to know I wasn't alone and I wasn't going crazy!
The senseible thing to do is to elt them go - I know that and each of seems to be aiming for that - complete with bumps along the way - we should learn to forgive ourselves too in my view!
lalxx
Choose Life Me: 45 Him: 44 S:11 D:8 Met in 1992 Married in 1995 Bomb drop September 30th 2009 Divorce final April 16th 2011 exH Marries OW June 17th 2011
Haven't posted for a while. Have had some good days and some bad days. Have managed to keep the NC with H, it's been 22 days now since I last spoke to him (the longest ever). I am beginning to wonder though how long this is going to be. I am not sure if this is the right approach with him either. In the past, whenever I had contacted him in a loving way, he seemed to respond favorably. I am afraid that my silence could also be sending him the message that I despise him and he is hiding away full of guilt and shame. I don't know anymore. Any advice from anyone?
Bomb: 4/2009 M28 T32 Sep8 Me: 53, H:57 S20,D17 D papers filed by H: 2013 H didn't follow up with divorce I completely let go ever since
SA, When the journey is interrupted, does that mean that he has started from zero again and may go on for another x...years again till and if he reaches Acceptance? Considering that it's been a year since the last bomb and his moving out, is there any clue as to anticipated awakening time? I know that this is all hypothetical, but...
Bomb: 4/2009 M28 T32 Sep8 Me: 53, H:57 S20,D17 D papers filed by H: 2013 H didn't follow up with divorce I completely let go ever since
Hi elfie, Glad you're back posting. I'm going to answer you to the best of my understanding. More experienced and knowledgeable dber's will fill in anything that I'm missing or in error about.
If a MLCer's journey is interrupted as such that they don't deal with the internal issues, at some point there will be no denying that return trip to the tunnel. They will eventually enter the tunnel and usually with a vengeance.
It is my understanding they do start back at zero because the issues weren't dealt with the first time.
How long it takes is anybody's guess as it would be up to the MLCer how fast he/she processes through the issues at hand when and if they start to deal with them. That probably has to do with the severity of the issues as well.
An om/ow will keep the MLCer from looking within so the processing doesn't start in earnest while in replay.
Unfortunately, not all 'awaken' and stay stuck never completing their journey because they will have not taken a look within and realize that was the source of their unhappiness.
